paradisa | (no subject)

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[ backdated to the morning!

Waking up to someone else in her bed is one of the many things she holds no fondness for. Especially when she distinctly remembers that they certainly were not there when she went to sleep. The fact that it is someone she knows only strengthens it. The fact that it is him causes the battle between her heart and her mind to begin anew.

Well, Morgana certainly hopes you have had a nice sleep Gwaine, as your waking is going to be anything but. Shaking her head she embraces her anger, quickly becoming furious that he managed to find his way into her bed. She takes the dagger she keeps her pillow, fingers tightening around the hilt and in a single swift movement she straddles him. The blade pressing against his throat--isn't this familiar? ]

What are you doing here?

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[ This time Gwaine manages to wake up almost when she does. He catches the hand with the dagger. His other hand closes around her hip, fingers digging into her supple skin, ready to flip her off him if he must. ]

Haven't you noticed by now, my lady? The castle seems to like me in your bed.

[ She fights against his grip, gritting her teeth in frustration. ]

Damn the castle, get out before I slit your throat. [ Yes, because she still thinks she is capable of doing that even with him holding her wrist like he is. >( ]

You might want to relax the arm then. I get up now, there's just going to be a lot of blood soiling your sheets.

[ He could turn her over if he wished and pin her against the bed. He's hoping it won't come to that or any exit he can make after will be with one or several new cuts. ]

[ After a moment she relaxes her arm, only enough for moving to be just a little less dangerous.

But it is the, as if on cue, a door opens and sleepy voice calls out from behind it. ]

Mother?

[ 'Mother?'

Gwaine freezes, still holding onto Morgana. He turns his head to catch sight of the little girl at the door rendered speechless for once. ]

[ The moment her eyes fall on the girl she swears her heart stops, all interest in harming Gwaine evaporating within an instant. The fight leaves her and her hand starts to tremble. ]

Ida.

[ By the goddesses this is... awkward. ]

[ His chest seizes at the look on Morgana's face, the way she says her daughter's (Morgana has a daughter?) name. Something ugly unfurls in his belly, an emotion he hasn't felt this strongly in years. He ignores it all for now. Morgana may have forgotten the dagger upon seeing Ida, but Gwaine hasn't. It's trembling now does nothing to soothe him. It's still a little too close to his neck for comfort. He tries pushing it further away from him, but doesn't speak. Even he knows it's better to be ignored right now. The time for questions can come later. Or never. ]

Mother, what are you doing?

[ What? Oh, slowing she turns her head back to Gwaine, lips tightening as she tries to force down the emotions so plainly painted across her face. It doesn't work. The dagger. Right. She moves to tug her hand free, saying nothing to him but at the very least motioning she is going to move it away. ]

Nothing, Ida. [ Everything feels odd, everything she knows and believes in pushed aside for a woman she used to be. Her voice softer, warring emotions obvious in each syllable. ]

[ Trying to kill me. Something your mother enjoys doing. The words are on the tip of his tongue, but he doesn't say them. He doesn't know why he's suddenly so irrationally angry, but he is. Gwaine lets go of Morgana, shifting out from under her. He ignores Morgana and Ida, unwilling to play observer to something in which he so obviously has no part. He hisses softly when his bare feet touch the cold floor. Still refusing to look at Morgana, he nods to her. ]

I'll...find my way out.

[ It barely registers that he is leaving, even as she watches him. Looking at Ida hurts, she cannot help but be as happy as she is devastated that the girl has become back again. Because she knows her stay is temporary, that she will be gone again within days.

Just after he speaks there is another noise from the other room, a cry this time. Surprised Morgana looks back over to where her daughter stood, no longer there to investigate the other noise, she returns moments later with a bright look on her face. ]

Mother! Mother, come look! I have a sister!

[ Another? If there is another... that would mean.

Gwaine. ]

[ Ida's announcement stops him before he can reach the door. Two? She has t— His tone is on the edge of civil when he turns around to face her, cold fury tensing every line of his body. ]

You have two daughters, Morgana? Pray tell, where have they been?

I do not know. [ It is truth, she has no idea where the children go after the week is up. Subconsciously she hugs her legs close to herself, picking a part of her vanity to stare at as Ida disappears into the other room again. ]

It is the castle that does this. [ She cannot remember if Gwaine has been here long enough to experience this, she suspects he hasn't. (she feels so overloaded with emotions and numb at the same time) ] Each year it will pair of some of the residents and grant them a child. [ Why can't have been like last year? She would have preferred it if it had been. ]

Ida is the daughter of myself and another, although he is no longer in the castle. She returned to me last year, but only for a week. That is how it usually goes.

And the other child in that room... [ Inhales, she turns to face him. ] She is our daughter.

[ Like someone punched him in the stomach, all the air vanishes from his lungs. His gut reaction is to laugh it off. It's ridiculous. He couldn't have fathered a child. Not in this short amount of time. She's lying. She's a liar. Why wouldn't she lie about this? But what could she hope to gain here? It can't be for him to stay after she was so keen on his leaving. And frankly, liars have better material.

He doesn't realize he has been gaping until he covers his mouth with his hand. As he turns around, his hand passes over his face to his hair, running through it shakily. He can't be a father. Fatherhood isn't in the cards for him. It never has been. An empty title, that is all he has to offer. No lands, no money, nothing of value. He cannot even give his name. A bastard child with a drifter father and a murderous mother. Lucky girl.

Her only being here for a week is forgotten.

Gods, he really needs a drink right now. ]

Edited 2012-05-21 05:07 (UTC)

[ She hugs her knees closer to herself, tilting her head to hide her face behind her hair. Yet she watches him regardless, in part due to curiosity but also because watching him is easier. Less painful. (not by much)

It is a gift as well as a curse knowing their child will not remain forever, and whatever else comes from this will also leave. At least she hopes.

Fingers tighten around her nightgown and she tears her eyes from him, resting her forehead on her knees. Of all the people to be paired with. Of all the times for this to happen. Of all the things the castle could throw at her, it has to be the one thing that manages to disarm her in every way. ]

[ At the second plaintive cry to come out of the room, Gwaine drops his arms to his sides. His head snaps up, face stricken. Not even the thought of dying frightens him quite as much as an infant who doesn't even sound old enough to walk yet. He ignores Morgana as he crosses the cool floor to the doorway and peeks inside. A nursery greets him, warm and inviting. Ida is trying to soothe the baby girl standing in her crib, holding onto the edge for support. The baby's dark hair is thick and falls in soft waves around her head. When she blinks up at Gwaine curiously, he notices her eyes are the same color as Morgana's. Her gaze, though... The color is wrong, but that calm, attentive gaze is his mother's. Whimpering, she lets go of the edge to hold her tiny hands out to him. He's not conscious of ever moving to take pick her up. His heart is in his mouth as she shifts in his arms for a comfortable position. He lets her, focused on trying not to drop her. Any ability to think left to him was lost somewhere outside. When she finally finds a position she likes, she hides her face against his neck with a happy giggle. His chest feels too tight, but he doesn't think about setting her down. ]

[ When she hears the giggle she forces herself off the bed, getting to her feet and inching towards the nursery. Chest tight and her heart jumping into her throat. Something scratches at the edge of her mind, a reminder of her anger, her madness, and the bitter poison that runs through her veins. It continues to scratch away even as she ignores her, eyes widening at the sight of Gwaine holding the child in his arms. She doesn't have the time to process it, as Ida runs over to her to wrap her arms around her. If the young girl says something Morgana certainly doesn't hear it. ]

She is beautiful. [ The words leave her mouth before she is even aware of them. ]

[ Gwaine starts at the voice. He had completely forgotten he is not alone. His arms tighten reflexively around the baby and she squirms in protest. Her hand closes around his necklace. Gwaine buys himself a little time to respond, freeing it from her solid grasp. ]

She— I, er... [ His voice is rougher than normal. Falling silent again, he clears his throat. With a small smile at Ida, he finally manages fairly, ] They both are. Take after their mother.

[ She places a hand on Ida's head, stroking the girl's hair fondly. She smiles up at her mother, the golden eyes of her father staring at her. She forces up a smile, both for her daughter and him. It is tight, unsure, and a little awkward. It had not been that long ago that she was threatening to kill him. ]

Only in part. She... has some of your features.

What's her name?

[ He hasn't forgotten his rather abrupt awakening. His priorities, however, seem to have rearranged themselves without conscious order. His thoughts are concentrated right now on the baby in his arms. For now, Gwaine would rather focus on the feature she shares with Morgana. The rest is still a little hard to swallow. He cannot accept this warm, smiling baby as his daughter just as he cannot accept the fatherhood suddenly thrust on him. Most of his life he refused even the thought of children. On those few occasions he allowed himself to wonder what being a father would be like terror assaulting him was never part of them. The part that bothers him most is he doesn't know what he's supposed to be so frightened of. Gwaine latches onto Ida's question like a drowning man to land. Something to think about. Allowing his thoughts to drift right now is not good. ]

I...don't know. [ He looks at Morgana, hoping she has an answer. ]

[ She looks between them both, feeling suddenly smaller with their gazes focused on her. She hesitates, her free hand curling into a fists. The pressure of naming a child she will lose within the week weighs on her heavily. It will only hurt her more when the week comes to and end, part of her does not dare name the child in fear her attachment will be to great.

She already will suffer greatly when Ida leaves her again. She does not know if she can bare that pain again, but this time two fold. ]

Ailis.

[ The name leaves her mouth quietly, as unsure as her smile only moments before. Her expression turns to devastation, as she has just doomed herself to even more heartbreak. ]

[ The newly named Ailis responds to the name as if she has been listening to it for months. She raises her head to look for her mother. The grin she shoots at Morgana reveals a mouth empty of teeth except for the two lower central incisors. Gwaine cannot help but laugh at the picture she presents. At the picture they all present. Two parents who do not trust each other with two little girls who seem to think they hang the Sun in the sky. The sound is shaky. He scrambles for some semblance of normalcy before he flees out the door. ]

Let's get dressed. Ida, will you help me with Ailis?

Edited 2012-05-22 02:16 (UTC)

[ Ida beams and nods her head eagerly, letting go of her mother in order to join Gwaine in helping dress her new sister. Morgana, however, remains still, simply watching as her mind races. Had this happened before she returned home she would have been more than happy to act like a mother should. But now? Now she simple has no idea. She knows what she should do, how she should act, yet everything is too much. ]

Of course. [ Yes, they should get dressed. Even the slightest bit of normalcy will help. ]

I could use some help with my shirt.

[ As he looks for clothes for the girls, he offers Morgana a conciliatory smile. Nothing about them is easily fixed, but he's willing to put aside their problems for now if she will. He doesn't want to frighten children with their fights. ]

[ The last thing she wants is to frighten the children (it surprises her how much she doesn't want to scare them), so she can put aside their problems. The girls are more important. ]

I will help you with that after you are finished with Ailis.

[ A tight smile and she exits the nursery, leaving behind Gwaine and the girls. Once out she feels like she can breathe again, taking the moment to collect herself something to wear (a blast from the past, one of her green dresses to be worn in the colder months) and getting dressed herself behind her dressing screen. ]

[ With Ida's help, Ailis is dressed in a dusty rose gown. The diaper was an adventure in and of itself; Ida turned out to be better at folding and pinning it in place than Gwaine. Ida demanded a dress the same color as Ailis' so they could match and Gwaine finally found one just a few shades darker of a similar cut in Ida's size. By the time he ushers them out of the nursery, both ask for food in their own way. Ailis has an overall sweet temperament, but she also sports a powerful set of lungs and is quick to announce her displeasure. Ida is more quiet and wholly enchanted by her baby sister. It's her cooing calming Ailis. Gwaine smiles at Morgana when he spots her, but it has a strained quality to it. Anxiety brackets the small lines around his mouth and eyes. ]

Your daughters are hungry.

[ Your. Not our. Not his. He doesn't think he can eat. His stomach is made of knots. ]