paradisa | (no subject)

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[ backdated to the morning!

Waking up to someone else in her bed is one of the many things she holds no fondness for. Especially when she distinctly remembers that they certainly were not there when she went to sleep. The fact that it is someone she knows only strengthens it. The fact that it is him causes the battle between her heart and her mind to begin anew.

Well, Morgana certainly hopes you have had a nice sleep Gwaine, as your waking is going to be anything but. Shaking her head she embraces her anger, quickly becoming furious that he managed to find his way into her bed. She takes the dagger she keeps her pillow, fingers tightening around the hilt and in a single swift movement she straddles him. The blade pressing against his throat--isn't this familiar? ]

What are you doing here?

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[ Like someone punched him in the stomach, all the air vanishes from his lungs. His gut reaction is to laugh it off. It's ridiculous. He couldn't have fathered a child. Not in this short amount of time. She's lying. She's a liar. Why wouldn't she lie about this? But what could she hope to gain here? It can't be for him to stay after she was so keen on his leaving. And frankly, liars have better material.

He doesn't realize he has been gaping until he covers his mouth with his hand. As he turns around, his hand passes over his face to his hair, running through it shakily. He can't be a father. Fatherhood isn't in the cards for him. It never has been. An empty title, that is all he has to offer. No lands, no money, nothing of value. He cannot even give his name. A bastard child with a drifter father and a murderous mother. Lucky girl.

Her only being here for a week is forgotten.

Gods, he really needs a drink right now. ]

Edited 2012-05-21 05:07 (UTC)

[ She hugs her knees closer to herself, tilting her head to hide her face behind her hair. Yet she watches him regardless, in part due to curiosity but also because watching him is easier. Less painful. (not by much)

It is a gift as well as a curse knowing their child will not remain forever, and whatever else comes from this will also leave. At least she hopes.

Fingers tighten around her nightgown and she tears her eyes from him, resting her forehead on her knees. Of all the people to be paired with. Of all the times for this to happen. Of all the things the castle could throw at her, it has to be the one thing that manages to disarm her in every way. ]

[ At the second plaintive cry to come out of the room, Gwaine drops his arms to his sides. His head snaps up, face stricken. Not even the thought of dying frightens him quite as much as an infant who doesn't even sound old enough to walk yet. He ignores Morgana as he crosses the cool floor to the doorway and peeks inside. A nursery greets him, warm and inviting. Ida is trying to soothe the baby girl standing in her crib, holding onto the edge for support. The baby's dark hair is thick and falls in soft waves around her head. When she blinks up at Gwaine curiously, he notices her eyes are the same color as Morgana's. Her gaze, though... The color is wrong, but that calm, attentive gaze is his mother's. Whimpering, she lets go of the edge to hold her tiny hands out to him. He's not conscious of ever moving to take pick her up. His heart is in his mouth as she shifts in his arms for a comfortable position. He lets her, focused on trying not to drop her. Any ability to think left to him was lost somewhere outside. When she finally finds a position she likes, she hides her face against his neck with a happy giggle. His chest feels too tight, but he doesn't think about setting her down. ]

[ When she hears the giggle she forces herself off the bed, getting to her feet and inching towards the nursery. Chest tight and her heart jumping into her throat. Something scratches at the edge of her mind, a reminder of her anger, her madness, and the bitter poison that runs through her veins. It continues to scratch away even as she ignores her, eyes widening at the sight of Gwaine holding the child in his arms. She doesn't have the time to process it, as Ida runs over to her to wrap her arms around her. If the young girl says something Morgana certainly doesn't hear it. ]

She is beautiful. [ The words leave her mouth before she is even aware of them. ]

[ Gwaine starts at the voice. He had completely forgotten he is not alone. His arms tighten reflexively around the baby and she squirms in protest. Her hand closes around his necklace. Gwaine buys himself a little time to respond, freeing it from her solid grasp. ]

She— I, er... [ His voice is rougher than normal. Falling silent again, he clears his throat. With a small smile at Ida, he finally manages fairly, ] They both are. Take after their mother.

[ She places a hand on Ida's head, stroking the girl's hair fondly. She smiles up at her mother, the golden eyes of her father staring at her. She forces up a smile, both for her daughter and him. It is tight, unsure, and a little awkward. It had not been that long ago that she was threatening to kill him. ]

Only in part. She... has some of your features.

What's her name?

[ He hasn't forgotten his rather abrupt awakening. His priorities, however, seem to have rearranged themselves without conscious order. His thoughts are concentrated right now on the baby in his arms. For now, Gwaine would rather focus on the feature she shares with Morgana. The rest is still a little hard to swallow. He cannot accept this warm, smiling baby as his daughter just as he cannot accept the fatherhood suddenly thrust on him. Most of his life he refused even the thought of children. On those few occasions he allowed himself to wonder what being a father would be like terror assaulting him was never part of them. The part that bothers him most is he doesn't know what he's supposed to be so frightened of. Gwaine latches onto Ida's question like a drowning man to land. Something to think about. Allowing his thoughts to drift right now is not good. ]

I...don't know. [ He looks at Morgana, hoping she has an answer. ]

[ She looks between them both, feeling suddenly smaller with their gazes focused on her. She hesitates, her free hand curling into a fists. The pressure of naming a child she will lose within the week weighs on her heavily. It will only hurt her more when the week comes to and end, part of her does not dare name the child in fear her attachment will be to great.

She already will suffer greatly when Ida leaves her again. She does not know if she can bare that pain again, but this time two fold. ]

Ailis.

[ The name leaves her mouth quietly, as unsure as her smile only moments before. Her expression turns to devastation, as she has just doomed herself to even more heartbreak. ]

[ The newly named Ailis responds to the name as if she has been listening to it for months. She raises her head to look for her mother. The grin she shoots at Morgana reveals a mouth empty of teeth except for the two lower central incisors. Gwaine cannot help but laugh at the picture she presents. At the picture they all present. Two parents who do not trust each other with two little girls who seem to think they hang the Sun in the sky. The sound is shaky. He scrambles for some semblance of normalcy before he flees out the door. ]

Let's get dressed. Ida, will you help me with Ailis?

Edited 2012-05-22 02:16 (UTC)

[ Ida beams and nods her head eagerly, letting go of her mother in order to join Gwaine in helping dress her new sister. Morgana, however, remains still, simply watching as her mind races. Had this happened before she returned home she would have been more than happy to act like a mother should. But now? Now she simple has no idea. She knows what she should do, how she should act, yet everything is too much. ]

Of course. [ Yes, they should get dressed. Even the slightest bit of normalcy will help. ]

I could use some help with my shirt.

[ As he looks for clothes for the girls, he offers Morgana a conciliatory smile. Nothing about them is easily fixed, but he's willing to put aside their problems for now if she will. He doesn't want to frighten children with their fights. ]

[ The last thing she wants is to frighten the children (it surprises her how much she doesn't want to scare them), so she can put aside their problems. The girls are more important. ]

I will help you with that after you are finished with Ailis.

[ A tight smile and she exits the nursery, leaving behind Gwaine and the girls. Once out she feels like she can breathe again, taking the moment to collect herself something to wear (a blast from the past, one of her green dresses to be worn in the colder months) and getting dressed herself behind her dressing screen. ]

[ With Ida's help, Ailis is dressed in a dusty rose gown. The diaper was an adventure in and of itself; Ida turned out to be better at folding and pinning it in place than Gwaine. Ida demanded a dress the same color as Ailis' so they could match and Gwaine finally found one just a few shades darker of a similar cut in Ida's size. By the time he ushers them out of the nursery, both ask for food in their own way. Ailis has an overall sweet temperament, but she also sports a powerful set of lungs and is quick to announce her displeasure. Ida is more quiet and wholly enchanted by her baby sister. It's her cooing calming Ailis. Gwaine smiles at Morgana when he spots her, but it has a strained quality to it. Anxiety brackets the small lines around his mouth and eyes. ]

Your daughters are hungry.

[ Your. Not our. Not his. He doesn't think he can eat. His stomach is made of knots. ]

[ She cannot begin to describe how thankful she is for Ida, for her ability to do the things that Morgana herself cannot possibly do. Not right now. She had always been a good child, and now she is growing into a wonderful one.

She is tending to her hair when she hears Gwaine's voice (falling into old habits somehow make the situation better, if only a little), eyes widening but expression remaining as stunned and strained as it has been since Ida's first appearance. ]

My daughters. [ She cannot help but feel a little disappointed at his insistence not to recognize Ailis as his. Stupid, she thinks, it should not bother her. ] I will fetch them something to eat in a moment.

[ Them. She doesn't think she can stomach food either, not right now. Putting her brush down she collects his shirt, settling herself in front of him. ]

Unless you are content to remain shirtless.

[ Falling into old habits. This he can do. ]

I am content if my lady is. Whatever my lady wishes, I am your loyal servant.

[ He offers her a gallant if exaggerated bow that makes Ida giggle. The irreverent effect is dampened somewhat by the baby babbling to herself on his shoulder as she grasps a lock of his hair. ]

[ Her expression twitches and she smiles despite herself. Ailis turning something that would usually frustrate her into something that makes her laugh instead. ]

My wish is that your get a shirt on before Ailis pulls out all of your hair.

[ Gwaine makes a face as the baby starts tugging. ]

Sounds good. A little help...?

[ She shakes her head to disguise a soft laugh, gently taking Ailis from Gwaine. ]

Ida, come sit on mother's bed. [ The older girl doesn't need to be told twice and quickly makes her way onto the bed as Morgana puts Ailis down next to her. ] Now, you must watch over her for me.

Yes, mother.

[ The girls happily engaged Morgana returns to Gwaine, wasting no time in helping him get that shirt on. ]

[ He is ever the obedient mannequin. When the shirt is safely on him, he catches Morgana's eye. ]

Green suits you. [ He states it like an observation, not a compliment. ]

[ His tone catches her off guard, the lack of usual flattery feels odd. She forces up a small, tight smile as her hands fall to her sides. ]

Thank you.

[ She turns slowly before finally breaking the gaze and heading towards the table, suddenly sporting food for both Ida and Ailis. Her ability to cook is terrible and she dares not force it upon her girls. ]

[ Gwaine helps settle the two girls at the table. He lets Morgana take Ailis while he pours himself a glass of wine. He drains it almost immediately and refills his cup. The second he consumes at a more acceptable rate although still too fast. He does not want to admit how affected he is, but neither can he hide it well. ]

[ She watches Gwaine carefully as she feeds Ailis, a smile sneaking onto her face every time she turns her attention back to the youngest. A genuine smile, something pure, happy, and not laced with touches of poison or madness.

When the second cup is consumed she focuses a sharp look at him, a silent warning. He can go get drunk if he pleases, but she will not allow him to do so in front of the girls. ]

[ Gwaine barely refrains from rolling his eyes. He can read the warning clearly enough. He holds up a finger for "one more" and fills only half the cup. He holds it toward her as if toasting to her, but his expression asks, "Happy?" ]

[ From the looks of things. Yes. She nods, a please smile gracing her lips for a grand total of three seconds before she focuses back on Ailis. She tells the girl how much of a good girl she is, eating her breakfast without any fuss (though she did play up momentarily, likely for the fun of it). ]

[ What has the castle got him into now? Were there any way of subtly banging his head against the table, Gwaine would be doing so already. As it stands, he settles for another swallow. The wine turns to vinegar in his mouth. Not even wine can help anymore. He scrubs at his face. Gwaine never thought he would miss being twelve, but if it would have saved him from this... ]