05 | baby butz | action

[thebutz]

Sage, no! Come back!

[How can these kids be so fast?! Larry is chasing after one of his two brand-new three-year-old daughters, who has apparently decided to take after her daddy and paint beautiful masterpieces... On the walls of the castle lobby. She's also managed to stay just out of reach of the out-of-shape Larry so far.]

Nick, help me!

I'd love to, but I'm a little busy!

[Phoenix, on the other hand, is struggling to catch another little girl who has decided that the large staircase is in dire need of some finger painting. He keeps managing to inch close enough to grab her arm, but he's too afraid of hurting her to do that, and so she continues wriggling up the staircase, slowly painting it with a big, blue stripe as she goes.]

Olive… I appreciate your color choice, but you can't paint the stairs...

...you know what, I give up. Paint the walls. [He flops down in a chair and watches as his daughters continue defacing the castle. Come join him, Phoenix!]

Comments

[takethat]

[Too bad Phoenix isn't drinking anything right now, because he'd probably have just done a spit-take. As it is, he fixes his gaze solely on those little girls terrorizing the castle interior and says the first thing that pops into his head.]

I promise you I don't have any feelings for you either.

[thebutz]

Okay... Don't know what the castle was thinking then.

[He watches as Sage dumps the paint all over her head... That wasn't exactly non-toxic...]

[takethat]

I don't think the castle picks people for crap like this based on whether or not they have feelings for each other, Larry--I've been stuck with Edgeworth for the past few... "situations"... after all.

[When Sage dumps paint all over herself, Olive decides that looks wonderful and joins in with what's left--and then promptly devours a crayon.

Phoenix is on his feet and hurrying to scoop up both children to stop them from this nonsense.]

[thebutz]

...

[Larry just sits and observes... He really isn't thrilled about this... Not daddy material at all...]

...Why don't we give them to someone else?

[takethat]

I don't want to give them to someone else!

[He sort of half-wails this, despite the fact that he's currently holding Olive upside-down--accidentally!--in an attempt to get her to be quiet.]

[thebutz]

But... It's not very fun...

[He pouts a little. Maybe he'd like it better if it didn't make him look so weird and like a horrible father...]

[takethat]

I don't think having kids is always supposed to be fun.

[Not that he'd know.]

Maybe if you played with them you'd have more fun and they'd calm down?

[thebutz]

...well... Maybe...

[So he stands. And stares at them awkwardly. It's a step!]

...

[He goes over to Sage and stands next to her, looking down at her as she continues making a mess.]

...how about we give you a bath and do some more structured painting?

[She smiles and giggles at him. Clearly they are making progress. He picks her up, paint-covered self and all, and starts to trudge toward the stairs.]

You going to join us, Nick?

[takethat]

Sure...

[He spins Olive around so that he's got her right side up and carries her, following Larry.]

Bathing and painting on paper. That's your future, Olive.

[A pause, then]

I have no idea how to bathe toddlers.

[thebutz]

...me neither. I guess we're about to find out huh? Or do you know anyone who could help?

[takethat]

I don't.

[Maya offered to babysit, sure, but that had nothing to do with bathtime...]

Hey! I bet there's a library book that could help!

[thebutz]

You think?

...where is the library, anyway? I don't think I've ever been... Didn't even know the castle had one!

[takethat]

It's huge--it has three floors. It starts on the fourth floor, so I guess that's where we should head?

[thebutz]

I guess... Man, how are we ever going to find a book in a three story library?!

[takethat]

That's a... good question.

[He stops walking and deflates...]

This is going to be impossible, isn't it?

[thebutz]

Probably... But you're a lawyer, why don't you use your lawyer powers to find it?

[Yes... He is serious...]

[takethat]

...lawyers don't have homing pigeon powers, Larry...

[thebutz]

No, but they have like... Investigating powers... You know? Yeah.

[takethat]

[Well, if Larry wants to think he has special powers, might as well let the ego boost go for a while. Still...]

Surely the library is divided up by sections like most libraries are. I bet there's a childcare section.

[thebutz]

I don't go to libraries, man... This is on you.

[takethat]

I thought you were helping!

[thebutz]

Well yeah, I am! I'm helping you bathe the kids aren't I?

[takethat]

....you know what, scratch the library! Let's just do this.

[And he's stomping off toward his room with Olive in tow. You better be following him, Larry Butz.]

[thebutz]

But... Hey! We don't know what we're doing! What if we drown them or something??

[takethat]

Oh we won't drown them! We won't put that much water in the tub.

[Still marching onward! And Olive is pulling on his spikes now, giggling when he winces about it.]