1/018: Hallowheatley is another bad word pun that may be unoriginal.

[wheatdos]

No. I don't think that's even considered a pun.



Hank:
[Cue a friendly dictated voice from the familiar British bloke through the journal. Remember him? It's been quite a while, but he was the one asking you for advice to kill GLaDOS once upon a time...

He may have taken back on that.
Alot.]

Oh! Hello!... Um... Wheatley here!
Remember me? Hope you do... be-because I um... I-
I could really use your help right now, mate.
A bit of a proposition! If... If I can call it that.


Mistress:

[There's a familiar stuttering on the journal... a voice perhaps a bit too friendly, and he's talking right to you.]

Um! Hello!... L-love... I, uh...
Do you remember me?
Co-course you do...

[He mutters that last part to himself...]

I was wondering... if you could um, help me... with something.
Something, a bit... a bit important. Depends on your priorities and all that, but...
Important to me, for one.

You wouldn't happen to be... busy, would you?

Comments

Wheatley

[cheerupemoborg]

[Mr. Stutters returns!]

Of course I remember. Now, what is it I can do for you?

Hank

[wheatdos]

IIIII was wondering actually if you could...
Build me something.

If you've the time, that is...

Wheatley

[cheerupemoborg]

Of course I have time. What did you want?

Hank

[wheatdos]

I need... an arm.
And a... leg.

A man's arm... and a woman's leg, to be specific.

Wheatley

[cheerupemoborg]

This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain limb stealing feline, would it?

[wheatdos]

I um.... yes.
That...a-a...and a few terrible promises I made to go along, with that...

[cheerupemoborg]

Do tell.

[wheatdos]

I... It's a rather long story... rather not get into it, no.

I just...I need the limbs, alright...?
But... if-if you do this for me, it'd be great...
You name it and I'll repay you.

[cheerupemoborg]

Tempting.

[Huh, he sounds extra nervous today.]

...okay, sure. In exchange, I'm going to need a favor from you.

[wheatdos]

Y-yes.... yes. Definitely. Deal. You've got yourself a deal.

[He sounds more relieved than anything.]

Name it, mate.

[cheerupemoborg]

Join me.

[He writes down a page number.]

I could use more scientists and engineers.

[wheatdos]

[Cue a pause as he skimmed through the page...]

You're making... a response force?

[He chuckles.]

You uh, never struck me as that kind... you know.
But sure-yes. Definitely. I... I am joining this. Most definitely.
Count me in.

[cheerupemoborg]

I've started to feel very altruistic as of late. All this time in Paradisa must've tempered my mood!

Now, I'll need more information about the people receiving these new limbs. Height, build, etc.

You wouldn't happen to have any pictures on hand, would you?

[themistress]

I've always got time for favors.

[wheatdos]

Gr-great!

[Seemed to go over his head...]

What... what it is... is actually, a bit of advice, I'd say. Knowing you're um... skilled in the acts of mating, and-and such... affairs like that...

[He clears his throat...]

[themistress]

[She pauses, confused by what he wants.] And?

[wheatdos]

...

How can i convince someone...
To mate with me...
In public.

...

[themistress]

[What.]

Tell them you want to fuck them in public.

[wheatdos]

Wh-what?
That... that'd...

[He's far quieter now... where is this guy's spine?]

No, that'd never work...
That doesn't work...
That--

Does that work???

[themistress]

It's never failed for me.

[wheatdos]

Y-you mean you... don't even have to seduce whoever it is first?

[He sounds confused...]

[themistress]

Not usually.

[wheatdos]

Ah, see... she isn't like that.

[This 'woman' he spoke of, may have well been his mistress, the way she told him what to do.]

What do women like?!

[He blurted it out... he probably didn't realize she wasn't the best person to ask...]

[themistress]

Jewels, dildos, rich cakes, things like that. [She thinks he means in general.] Have you considered simply bending her over and taking her in an alley? Make it a surprise.

[wheatdos]

Jewels... cakes... d-dil...dos?
What... is that?
...

Oh! She um, a bit of a... um, control freak. With things like this.
I think she'd take me apart if I tried anything like that.