1/020: THIS ISN'T SANITARY. THIS ISN'T SANITARY. THIS ISN'T SANITARY.

[wheatdos]

HENSHAW: [Forward to December 5th]

Don't come outside.
Don't do it mate.
J-just stay in your house. And... stay there. Forever possibly.
Unless you're already outside. Th-then you probably know and this won't really help.


MISTRESS:[Back dated to yesterday.]

I um… hello! It’s me again! Just me… I um.
I have your cake! Would you like me to deliver it to you?
I even put it in a box-- it’s rather impressive. One of the most impressive cakes I’ve ever made.


GLaDOS:

...Loveee?

[He sounds a little whiny. Pretend he also didn't come home last night.]

[ACTION]

[There is a rather tall bloke hiding underneath a table somewhere in the lobby, trying his best to keep out of sight. It would have honestly worked, if he weren't terribly tall and lanky, awkward limbs trying their best to keep from spilling out from under the small table. He is curled up, journal open.

Too bad he doesn't notice the nutcracker sitting on top of the table he was hiding under.]

Sa-say, there wouldn't happen to be anyone immune to this... this... thing, would there?
Anyone? I kind of need help... and by kind of I mean really need help. In fact... I think I'm stuck.

[He's not about to be caught in the crossfires. Feel free to pass him by and smooch him up. Or ask him what he's doing! Or help him out from under the table.]

[KISSING OPEN. Anyone! Feel free to kiss him whether you know him or not. Come on, everyone knows men hiding under tables deserve a little bit of smooching!]

Comments

[magicalwright]

[ ... ]

... What are you doing?

[ She leans over the table to try and work out what on earth he's doing. ]

[wheatdos]

[Oh! There's a familiar voice...
Poking his head out to look up to her, he spoke in a very VERY very soft voice.]

Hiding, love.

...

Y-you should too! It's not a good idea to be... um, out here... at a time like this.

[magicalwright]

Hiding from what? [ She has a quick look around but... nothing? ]

There's nobody out here, Wheatley!

[wheatdos]

[He shakes his head, a little frantic.]

Nononono... see, see I'm sure tat's what they want you to think. Whoever they even are. Ghosts, maybe. Possibly.

I think... they're uh, invisible, love.
Going about, smashing people's faces together.

[magicalwright]

That sounds painful!

Why would the ghosts do that?!

[silentrunning]

[Chell happens to be wandering past that table when Wheatley's frantic plea for help reaches her ear. She glances down at him with a raised eyebrow. And then notices the nutcracker.

She has no idea what the sudden strange urge is that she feels, but before she really knows what's happening, she's moving the table and kissing Wheatley right on the lips.

Afterword, she backs up, shaking her head and looking entirely and completely confused. What the heck had that been all about?]

[OOC: HEY WHEATS HAVE A KISS FROM A MUTE LUNATIC!]

[wheatdos]

[The scientist hadn’t even noticed she was there until she was moving the table, bouncing up to his feet the moment he felt the relief of freedom. Yes! He was just about to thank her, but before he could even get the words out, she was already pressing her lips against his. Cue a confused sound and a slight choke in surprise. A kiss? From her? It was a little different than getting kissed by a stranger—considering he actually knew who she was!

Has he ever been that flustered before? His pale complexion flushed in color, and he couldn’t even muster the concentration to form a sentence. He’s a dork, okay. ]

Oh-oh... I uh, ohhhh.... I...

[What are words?]

D-did... was... did I--

[He suddenly collapsed, fainting and sprawling across the floor.]

[OOC: YES. PERFECT.]

[silentrunning]

[What the hell was that? Chell blinks in surprise as he keels over. Fuckfuckfuck had she killed him?]

[Leaning closer to him, she checks to make sure he's still breathing and then hurriedly scrawls a note which she leaves on the floor next to his head as she scampers off to hide not so far away.]

What did I just do to you? Are you all right? Did I kill you? Is this how we kill one another?

[wheatdos]

[Wheatley came to rather quickly, which was a relief, considering it would have been awkward to stay sprawled across the ground for more than 5 minutes. Pushing himself up to sit crosslegged on the floor, it was only then he noticed the little note scrawled. In reading it, he groaned... because it was in that he remembered that he kissed her.

No... wait! She kissed him.
Right?

Biting his lip, he folded the paper and tucked it into his lab coat, still sitting.]

L-love?

Here to make Wheetles' life worse

[bootsweremadeforcasting]

[Jade just happens to be passing by when he sees the odd sight and pokes his head under the table to see the man from way back when at the time of the masq.]

This is quite an odd predicament to get yourself into.

ITSBEENSOLONG

[wheatdos]

[Oh. Wheatley looked surprised to see Jade; but he didn't comment on it, instead retreating even further under the table, muttering in a rather annoyed tone.]

A better predicament than going off and-and engaging in human affections with strangers...

SO LONG ;A;

[bootsweremadeforcasting]

I would have thought engaging in human affections was optional.

[wheatdos]

Huh?

[He isn't sure what he means, though when he tries to get out from under the table, he is still properly stuck. For now, Wheatley will not be hostile, if only because he's not in the position to be.

That's the reason, right?]

What do you...what do you mean by that?

Wheatley

[cheerupemoborg]

What in the world are you babbling about?

Hank!

[wheatdos]

Something crazy's happened.
Insane. Crazy. Something you definitely do not want to be a part of.

...

S-say... are you out of your room, mate?

Wheatley

[cheerupemoborg]

That tells me nothing.

[A door can be heard shutting in the background.]

I am now. Why?

Hank

[wheatdos]

Well. Being your friend, I feel it necessary to warn you that the castle is um... making...

Everyone... kiss each other.
Repeatedly.

Not sanitary. Definitely.

...

But who knows! Maybe you're just immune to it. And-and maybe it has nothing to do with you and I'm just... just being ridiculous.

Wheatley

[sawadeertoday]

[ Her head raises at the sound of his voice, and she seems a tiny bit cross. ]

Where were you?

GLaDOS

[wheatdos]

[He can hear the cross tone, and responds with nervous laughter. Don't be like that, GLaDOS.]

I um... I... I'm in the lobby.

...

Under a table.

And before you get-get mad about me not coming home last night... I have an explanation.
Not a very good one-- n-no, I mean... it IS a good one. I...

...

...Do you think you could come get me?

Wheatley

[sawadeertoday]

[ There's a silence as GLaDOS debates this... but finally, she stands up and starts heading to the door of their- her- room. ]

Just stay where you are, moron.

[ She seemed pretty upset... her cold tone didn't seem so indifferent like it used to, when they were back in Aperture. It had a tinge of feeling to it. ]

GLaDOS

[wheatdos]

Nnn... oh, c-come on now! I'm not a moron! You-you're not being very fair right now love.
Don't be mad?
If-- if you're mad already it--it's going to be hard for me to um...

[Confess to you?
He shuts up right there, but it's easy to tell from his tone he's hiding something.]

[themistress]

Yes. You may bring it to me.

Mind for any kisses?

[wheatdos]

[He grins, and there's a bit of shuffling over the journal as he goes to collect up the cake.]

Enjoying the Christmas season, love?

fine with me!

[themistress]

Is that what this is? I simply thought the Snow Queen was awake again, the frigid bitch.

[wheatdos]

Oh.... oh. Aha.

[He laughs, but it's evidently nervous. Oi, Mistress was a somewhat intimidating lady, he wouldn't deny it.]

I take it this isn't your favorite time of year.