paradisa | ℒℒ 51

Entry tags:

lana lang

ℒℒ 51

[Wesley Wyndam-Pryce]

I've been meaning to tell you something, but it seems at every turn it's just bad timing.

I don't need our standard training, anymore. If I'm going to learn anything, I want to just focus on defense against magic, like what we started with before you were turned into a cat.

[/Wesley Wyndam-Pryce]

[Stephanie Brown]

So... I hope you aren't angry.

[/Stephanie Brown]

[Kara]

I think it's time that we talked.

[/Kara]

[ And, later... ]

[Damon Salvatore]

[ Did someone order a break-in? No? Well, she'll have to stay anyway until you say so.

But really, this started as her trying to write something, only to realize he would just ignore it and her, so instead she'll be waiting in a nice chair in his room, reading by a single lamp while a wrapped Christmas present sits in her lap. She's even decked out with a Christmas sweater for kicks.

They will talk whether he likes it or not. ]

[/Damon Salvatore]

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[ She pauses, then sets it back down in her lap. It's hard to stay calm when he's being such a brat. ]

Why are you mad at me? I didn't do anything wrong, you even said as much yourself. If I had known...

[He moves away from the door finally at least, but he's leaving it open. Damon feels like he needs a stiff drink already. He's well-stocked now that he's taken the time to get his room much more to his liking.]

I've had some time to think. [And time to talk to Katherine.] And hey, I was a bastard to you, Lana, but I know how this goes.

So, you know, if it's all the same to you, I'd like to pass.

[ She watches him carefully. ]

Pass on what? Being friends, just because I have a boyfriend? Are you serious?

What do you want, Lana? [He takes a swig from his glass.] You wouldn't be here if you didn't want something.

I wanted—

[ Wow, Hell if she knows! Lana is more a creature of impulse than ever before, but she hates to say that out loud. ]

I wanted to give you your present. I want this fighting to end. I want things to go back to how they were before.

[ Before you blabbed embarrassing things, Damon. ]

[He gets a sense of what she's talking about, but Damon would much rather she doesn't bullshit him and just say it.]

Before what exactly?

Before you made it sound like I left you at the altar.

[He raises his glass to her.]

Well, at least you're being honest. But sure. Tell me how.

I don't know how, but I know avoiding each other forever isn't going to fix it. And I know that's not what I want.

[ She stands, finally, leaving the package and her book on the chair. ]

You could leave again, at any time, and that's bad enough to think about. Even if we're both from Earth, I'll never know you and you'll never know me. We won't remember anything. So shouldn't we take advantage of the time we do have?

[He smiles and it's entirely bitter. Take advantage. She wants to not feel bad. She wants Damon to just stifle it down so she doesn't have to feel bad.

It's just not in the cards. Not now, not ever.]

You know, there'd be a much easier solution to this if you hadn't decided to 'roid up on me.

[ She folds her arms, more like hugs herself, as she stares at him like he's gone berserk. ]

What do my powers have to do with anything?

Hello, vampire. I'm good at making normal people forget stuff they don't want to remember.

[ She stiffens, and full-on glares at the mere suggestion. Then she looks down, anger slipping into despair remarkably fast as her hand moves to the bracelet at her wrist; an affectionate touch. ]

You mean the vervain? You're the one who gave it to me in the first place, Damon, even if you don't remember.

That's... That's not what I want. Me forgetting means nothing if you still have to carry the weight of the memory.

Well, that's basically what you're asking for, Lana, whether you realize it or not. You want it to be like before I said anything and like it's hunky dory. Either way, you're asking me to pretend.

No, I'm not! I'm just... I'm just wishing for another way. I'm wishing... I'm wishing you had told me before.

Look at that. A wish this shithole can't grant.

[He's only that bitter because he wishes the same thing.]

[ She looks down again, brow furrowed as she tries to think of a solution. But there really is none, is there? She does care for Ezio, and she doesn't want to leave him. He makes her feel powerful, and beautiful, and wanted.

Damon seems to offer her nothing but grief, but deep down she knows better. She knows that her feelings for him probably run even deeper than his do for her, but she's terrified of saying so out loud. Scared it will only hurt him more, that he'll think she's lying, that it alone is a betrayal of Ezio's trust.

But she feels she owes Damon something. Anything. Because once upon a time, she was his savior, and he was hers.

So she whispers, if it can even be called that, more of a shaken breath, and takes a step back like she's afraid just saying it will make the floor collapse from underneath her. She's never admitted this to anyone, not even herself, out loud. ]

I loved you.

[Damon's heard "I cared about you" more times than he cares to count out of Katherine's mouth. But that's a first and it takes him aback. For a long moment, he doesn't say anything. He just uses taking a drink from his glass as an attempt to justify the silence and pretend like he doesn't need any time to process that. He looks away from her.

His voice is a little shaky:]

Well. [He shakes his head, swallowing hard.] Good to know I really seized the moment on that one.

[He downs the rest of his glass and sets it aside. Damon doesn't trust his grip on it right now.]

[ And her voice, well, it cracks. She hurriedly raises her hand to cover her mouth, muffling her voice somewhat.

It's even worse because she doesn't know if it could have worked, anyway, knowing the crimes he's committed. He doesn't remember, but she does, and she can't forget. She won't let herself. Perhaps that's why her affections will never be able to shake off the guilt that clings like glue. ]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—

[ Wow, she wants to run away. But that would be stupid, since she was the one to insist that they talk. And then she went and made it worse, stupid, stupid!

She chokes it down, and it's a marvel that her eyes are still dry. But Lana Lang has been taught to act by misery and treachery, and sometimes it's a boon. ]

I shouldn't have said anything. It doesn't help. I just... Now I don't know what to do. I don't want you to be gone from my life. I know it's selfish, and stupid.

[Damon wanted so badly to agree. But he couldn't. With an unsteady sigh, he shook his head.]

No, Lana, it's not. [He looked at her.] I'm not the same person that was here before and I don't have a right to anything you felt for him and I sure as hell don't have any right to keep you from whatever it is you have now with someone else.

I shouldn't be punishing you for that.

[ It's probably the most unexpected thing for him to say, and somehow it's not at all what she wants to hear. She cries then, but it's silent. Else she couldn't speak. ]

I still...

Maybe it's easy for you to distinguish, without the memories, but not for me. No matter what's been dismissed and agreed on, you're the same person to me. You react the same, you smile the same, even your cruelty is the same. You— You're Damon.

So maybe everything has changed, but it seems like nothing has. I mean, we— we're still fighting, and laughing, and I still—

[ Ugh she can't talk. She can't form words, she was idiotic for forcing this issue on him when she can offer him nothing but broken words and hiccups. ]

Don't shut me out.

[Damon stands stock still while she speaks, trying to find something to say. He wants to insist that he's not the same person, but she's not talking with some of that barely held back disdain and disapproval she normally when talking about the past.

That just leaves him with nothing to say.

So, he tries to buy himself a little time and tries to calm her down some by gathering her up into his arms.]

[ She latches on instantly, arms wrapped around his middle and her face buried against his shoulder. She's not outright sobbing, but she is having major control issues when it comes to keeping her composure. Lana wouldn't admit that she had been scared when he told her to leave, scared that it really had been the last straw. She never knows when that will be with him, or with her. The unpredictability of Paradisa only impacts their own, and it leaves her desperate for any familiarity she can find.

Damon's only held her like this once, and he won't remember, but she remembers and she remembers fondly. Which, of course, only brings about more guilt and more attempts to not weep all over his shoulder.

Her eyes dry quickly, but the shaking takes a bit longer to subside. It's then that she lets out a short laugh (not happy), somewhat abruptly and inappropriately, her thoughts having taken a turn towards the present she brought. It seems aptly ironic, now. ]

[He pulls away some, brushing back some of her hair behind her ear.]

You okay?

[It seems like the most useless question in the world, but it does merit asking. Damon would really like to stop her from having a total breakdown in his room if he can help it.]

[ She nods, then re-considers and shakes her head. ]

I should be asking you that.

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