Some say we're mad but that's just crazy

[waterproofed]

Hey, anybody know how to cut hair around here? For whatever reason, mine's still long after our little trip through the mirror. I know you're gonna think me a Vain Flippant Dude, but long hair seriously gets in the way.

This is my second time through a mirror in so many months. It's beginning to be a problem. I didn't get any little token, either. Not even a Vanilla-Flavored Danish. Though, I guess it's a good thing I didn't take any pastries while I was there or I would've experienced a Violent and Frightening Death.

... You know, this is cool and all, but I feel like I've been tricked into learning Vocabulary From Dictionaries.

Comments

[theabjectauthor]

[blandly, yet with a slight veneer of confusion] ... I take it you require my assistance, Percy.

[waterproofed]

Am I allowed to ask questions about it, or is it one of those "learn from experience" kind of things?

Percy

[theabjectauthor]

As long as we keep our conversations either filtered or coded, you can ask as much about the V.F.D as you wish. I have never been one to discourage the asking of questions - not even the wrong ones.

[unlike certain mentors, specifically, his]

Lemony

[waterproofed]

[and Percy is the type to ask all the wrong questions]

Okay, well, most important: can I tell my friends about it?

Percy, to end

[theabjectauthor]

I suppose that depends on the sort of people you feel your friends are. ... Perhaps I should tell you a little of the history of V.F.D in my world, before I give you a proper answer to your question.

same for Lemony

[waterproofed]

I wanna listen, but I'm not really good with facts. I even mix up stuff in my own world sometimes. So don't take it too bad if I forget or I confuse names.

[theabjectauthor]

Perhaps, then, I should have given you a commonplace notebook, as well as a spyglass.

[waterproofed]

I remember that thing about the world being quiet, and that's the important part, right? It means I'm an ally.

[theabjectauthor]

It does, yes. It was also our motto. ... I shall get you a notebook, so that you might keep a record of things. But the gist of our history is thus: we formed as a band of noble people in the pursuit, sharing, and protection of knowledge... Until the schism, when we were divided into those who fight the fires and those who start them.

[waterproofed]

That sounds pretty cool. Hey, I've got a friend named Ella who loves to read, and she remembers everything that she ever reads. If she comes, I think you should meet her. She's a harpy, but she's really nice.

[theabjectauthor]

A really nice harpy, you say. I don't suppose her last name is "Oxymoron"?

[waterproofed]

Harpies don't have last names, as far as I know. But yeah, sometimes monsters in my world aren't monstrous. Like my dog Mrs. O'Leary is a hellhound, but she's the most gentle one in the world. And my brother is a Cyclops, but he's like a big kid.

There are good and bad monsters, just like good and bad people.

[theabjectauthor]

That is a relief, I should think.... If the rest of the world were written in sharper strokes of black and white, it would make how generally grey humanity is an even more depressing thought than usual.

[waterproofed]

It's not that bad. It just means we have free will. Guess it's just me dealing with gods all the time, but I like having the choice to be good or bad.

[theabjectauthor]

It's not necessarily our actions that make us good or evil, it's ... the intent behind them. Sometimes - more often than you might think - one has to do the ignoble thing to be noble.

[waterproofed]

You mean like giving someone a knife so they can kill themselves, thus saving the world? [JUST FOR EXAMPLE NOT LIKE PERCY DID THAT OR ANYTHING NOPE]

[theabjectauthor]

... That is a very specific and yet apt example. You sound as though you have experience in the matter. [and he, himself, sounds infinitely sad about it. while the truths of the world come to everyone in time, much like taxes, inclement weather, and moldy bread, they are things that he feels children should avoid adding to their prism of experience for as long as possible]

[waterproofed]

It was this whole thing with a prophecy and the impending destruction or restoration of the West. I'm sure you've read Greek mythology, so you have a pretty good idea.

[onlyanapple]

...Why are you suddenly talking like our favourite miserable-possibly-crazy guy? No offence Lemony. Or is this some weird magical hair shite?

[waterproofed]

I was testing something. Looks like it's working.

[onlyanapple]

...Testing what? Your vocabulary?

[waterproofed]

Uh, yeah. I think I'm improving.

[onlyanapple]

Dare I even ask why?

[waterproofed]

Because it seems like a goood thing to do.

[onlyanapple]

Maybe if you want people to think you're a weirdo.

[waterproofed]

People thought that for years. I don't think this is gonna be that much of a change.

[onlyanapple]

Probably not, but a guy can dream.

[waterproofed]

Yep.

[theabjectauthor]

SIR, I am as sane as ...

Wait.

Considering the rest of our neighbors, I am quite comparably sane.

[onlyanapple]

See? Insanity is like a fashion statement here. Wear it with pride, you nutjob.

[theabjectauthor]

Nahash, the last person I knew who followed the tenets of fashion closely was quite possibly the most clear case for insanity I have ever known; or at least ranking among the top sixteen. Therefore, I'm afraid your advice is a bit dubious.

[onlyanapple]

You're saying you don't trust me?

[theabjectauthor]

[succinctly, a phrase which means "as if to say one of two things, which really amount to one and the same: 'you're the Serpent of Eden' and 'DUH'":]

Yes.

[onlyanapple]

I am wounded, Lemony.

My heart is just bleeding all over the place here.

[He doesn't sound wounded. Not one little bit]

[theabjectauthor]

Well, then, at least I can thank you for being considerate enough not to have bled upon the journal.

[onlyanapple]

No one wants fluids all over their pages.

[theabjectauthor]

Well, no, of course not. [he gets that it's sarcasm, but seriously, dude, no one does]

[onlyanapple]

Unless they have fetishes.

[waterproofed]

Should I close my journal and give you guys some privacy?

[onlyanapple]

Oh come on, Percy, don't you want to learn about fetishes?

[waterproofed]

Uh, no. I get the feeling you're a Vulgar Fetish Demon, and I'd rather pass on the trauma.

[onlyanapple]

Kids today. No fun at all.