xxxvi λ winter

[assassino]

-------- Private -------

January 28th.

In some ways, I feel as though I am a ship adrift at sea, or at least a boat lost in a maze of canals. I do not know how to navigate a relationship with a woman from the future. The customs that are difficult enough in friendship prove even more complicated now. I know how a man might dictate a relationship in my time, but Lana is entirely different. If I commanded her, she would likely just be angry with me, so I am letting her make all of the decisions… it is strange, to say the least, but there is little I can do, even if I feel I am being emasculated.

Put like that, it all sounds very dramatic, but it feels as though that is the only way I can express it. It is one thing to be friends with women from the future, that I enjoy very much, but it is somehow different to call one your "girlfriend." I am just not used to being at one woman's beck and call.

I want to be prepared for this, yet I still feel lost… but I am still determined to prove to Molotov and the rest of them that I can be with a single woman and respect her wishes.

(It would be easier, though, if I were not always consumed with... frustrations. She will not even allow me to taste her.)

And what else plagues my mind? The Borgia, of course, as always… I fear Lucrezia will sabotage my relationships, and am concerned about that Cesare has been planning. I dare not place too many thoughts to the page, lest I bring bad luck upon myself.

Then there is Tim, who is Stephanie's "ex-boyfriend" –– I have yet to meet him, but I look forward to it. A bit of sporting fun would do me good.


x






----- Cesare Borgia -----


[written]

Salute.

I'd like to invite you to dinner. Just men –– no fair ladies this time.

E. Auditore.


-------------





Is it time for the snow to vanish into the ground yet? I hate snow. It is miserable to have to bundle oneself up like a Rossian just to go outdoors, and even more miserable to be indoors and wet in such heavy clothing.

Fuck winter, that is what I say.

Comments

[heloise]

Why? When he would love me all the same?

[assassino]

Ah, but do YOU enjoy the smell of fish so much that you would wear it as your new perfume?

[heloise]

If it pleases this hypothetical husband of mine.

[assassino]

Perhaps his nose no longer notices it, as he is so accustomed to it.

[heloise]

Even so, a quiet life by the sea with one I can love. It is quite a thought, is it not?

[assassino]

It is.

You could be whatever you wanted to be, and take orders from no one.

[heloise]

Only as much as you could go against your father's politics.

[assassino]

Ah, but someday I will be finished with his work, and then I will be free to do whatever I please.

[heloise]

While I would choose to always be Borgia.

[assassino]

Are you suggesting I will forget being an Auditore?

[heloise]

No, but as you said there is an end to the work you must do for your family's sake.

[assassino]

Isn't your work done when you cannot be married off for alliances any longer?

[heloise]

Then I would spend the rest of my days lying on my back to fulfill my marital duties. What a fate.

[assassino]

Not a terrible one, if your husband is gallant and you bother to move around a bit.

[heloise]

[ She laughs. ]

No, I will not be married again.

[assassino]

Are there no exceptions?

[heloise]

No. [ She could love her husband and see him die or not love him at all and suffer for all her days. Neither seem pleasing. ]

But if it were a choice between my family and my conviction, I would choose the former.

[assassino]

[A lamb to their slaughter.]

So it is a game of extremes, then? Either you martyr yourself for the Borgia name, or you die a maiden?

[heloise]

What would you rather have me do?

[assassino]

Find a way around it all.

[heloise]

Shall I go to Venezia and join a nunnery that requires no vows of chastity?

[assassino]

That is probably the most thrilling option.

[heloise]

For you, perhaps. I doubt it would bring me happiness.

[assassino]

You do not want the freedom to do what you wish, when you wish?

[heloise]

I would rather be imprisoned with those I love than be unfettered and alone.