voice.

[dorkwonder]

[Tim stares at his journal for a good few minutes, trying to decide what to say or write. After spending nearly a month lost in a sea of research or working, his brain is having a hard time getting back into "social Alvin Draper" mode.

He browses some of his old journal entries to recharge his memory. After a few more minutes pass, an idea pops into his head. Maybe Cass' curiosity will lure her in to respond or she'll track him down to give him a look.]

So, hey. I've got a strange request--or at least it might sound strange! I promise it's not as strange as it sounds. In fact, it's a lot of fun.

When I first came here, I was running a pencil and paper game for my friends, using a D20 system. The game we were playing was Warlocks and Warriors. You pick a base class, draw up a character sheet, and then a storyteller guides you through stories. You roll the twenty sided die to help determine the outcome of different challenges. At one point, I had a group of three which is a good number for beginners. Unfortunately, two of the players went home. Well, that's not really unfortunate for them! But you know what I mean.

If anyone is interested in playing, I could teach you, or I'm sure my girlfriend, Stephanie Brown, would be happy to help. She also plays with me.

Comments

[dorkwonder]

[Stares at her for a few more seconds, painfully aware that not only can she feel the awkwardness in his body, but she can literally see it.

Still, she's not glaring at him like she did the last time he tried to make up, and her body language isn't hostile. Both of which are good signs.]

It's been awhile, how have things been going?

[hellofist]

It's... fine.

[Small talk has always been stupid to Cass, but sometimes people need it, she knows that. It doesn't make this any less trying, but she's trying to be patient.]

Shouldn't have... hid it from me.

[Sometimes it's just better to get to the point, though.]

[dorkwonder]

[Tim is still conflicted about if what he did was wrong or not. On a logical level, he knows it's not. You don't keep that kind of secret from someone. But on an emotional level, well, after all the people he's lost, it's hard to not find it entirely wrong to want to take extremes to help people.]

I was going to tell you, I just wanted the time to be right.

[hellofist]

[It's impossible not to immediately feel angry that he would say that, like it's his choice when the right time would be. There would never be a good time, so the only right time was as soon as he knew.

But it's also impossible to ignore his body language. There was never any malicious intent there. She looks away from him, focusing on the carpet instead.]

No such thing.

[dorkwonder]

I know.

[Runs his fingers through his hair, pushing his bangs back. Shifts his gaze off to the side.]

I wish I could promise you I won't keep any more secrets for you, but I don't think I can make that promise.

[Not even about something like this again. It's not a case of not wanting to, it's a case of being honest with himself and Cass. He wants to be more open, to be less controlling, and more like who he used to be.

But every time he learns of something that might be potentially devastating to someone he cares about, it's like his anxiety hijacks his brain. Whenever someone he loves or cares about it at risk of disappearing from his life, his anxiety kicks in and suddenly he becomes so desperate to hold onto control.

Truth be told, now that he's in a better state of mind, it frightens him that he agreed with the anti-life equation. What if he goes off the deep again? He's not sure if there's any coming back from that.]

[hellofist]

[She has to wonder, does he realize what that sounds like, to her? It's like a slap in the face, his refusal to do something she considers the only option, the only actual choice here. Stephanie had immediately agreed there would be no secrets.

The only thing saving him in this moment is everything he isn't saying. He's... broken. Something isn't right in him anymore, he's afraid of who he is, the things he's let himself do.

She understands that feeling, of course she does. She hadn't had anyone to help her, no one to fix her or even encourage her to keep going, she had to find the strength herself. He can do that too, he's trying to, but he doesn't have to do it alone.

She won't let him do it alone.]

Come here.

[dorkwonder]

[Tim's well aware that he said a terrible thing. He's honestly ashamed of himself that he can't make her that promise. But he has to be honest with himself and accept where he's at. If he can do that, then he can start to move forward again. For awhile, he'd been healing and getting back on track. Unfortunately, Kara getting lost in space caused his anxiety to come back with a vengeance.

Studies her for a moment, trying to get a feel for how upset she is with him. If she was truly angry at him, she wouldn't want him near her. Moves over to her, going in for a hug.]

[hellofist]

[She stands up from the window and leans into him, her arms going tightly, protectively, around him in return. She is still angry, but she understands why he's avoided everyone until now. Why he's hidden away from her just as much as she's avoided him. He didn't want her to see this until he was ready to show it.]

It will... be hard, now. If I can't trust you.

[dorkwonder]

I know.

[Hearing her say she doesn't trust him, or at least can't trust him, is a bitter pill to swallow. But he's the one putting her in this situation, so he only has himself to blame.]

[hellofist]

[Somehow, this is progress. One hand goes to the back of his head to stroke his hair.]

Will you try?

[dorkwonder]

[Closes his eyes over when she strokes his hair, leaning in closer to her.]

With everything I have.

[hellofist]

You need to... say sorry, Tim. I need you to.

[dorkwonder]

[Blinks, realizing that he's said a lot without actually saying one of the most important things.]

I'm sorry, Cass. I really am. I never meant to hurt you, even though I ended up hurting you a lot.

[hellofist]

[She nods, then tucks her head against his shoulder and hugs him a little tighter. Desperately she hopes that his apology and knowledge that he'll try to be honest will be enough. It has to be enough, the alternative is too terrifying to consider.]

[dorkwonder]

[Tim's going to give it his best shot. While he knows he has his issues, he doesn't think they can't be fixed. They just require a lot of time and effort on his part. Maybe the next month will be better and help him recharge his emotional battery.

Making up with Cass and hugging it out is already helping. Relaxes into their hug, soaking up the affection.]

[hellofist]

[Without pulling away, Cass tugs Tim over to the bed so they can sit down. Once they're there and settled, she goes right back to running her fingers through his hair and rubbing his back.]

Will be okay, Tim. You have us.

[dorkwonder]

[Needless to say, Tim is enjoying affectionate Cass a lot more than he enjoys wants-to-punch-him-in-the-face Cass.

Follows her onto the bed without offering any resistance. Slides one of his arms around the small of her back and the other around her shoulders.]

I know, and you have us as well. We all have each other.

[hellofist]

[She typically likes that better, too.]

Yes. You're lucky, having two Batgirls... taking care of you.

[dorkwonder]

[Speaking of Batgirls...]

Steph actually wanted to be a part of this conversation, too. But I'm glad we got a chance to talk one-on-one first.

[hellofist]

Oh...

[Oops.]

We could... do it again. So she can be.

[dorkwonder]

[Chuckles.]

We'll reenact it for her or just include her in a hug. I'm sure she'll find either acceptable.

[hellofist]

Like hugging one better. We'll do that.

[dorkwonder]

[Takes out his journal and sends a quick message for Steph, asking her to meet them in her room.]

[hellofist]

[Hey no fair. She leans over, trying to read what it says and... well, mostly failing.]

[secondchances]

[Oooh, an invitation to their room! Exciting. Steph shows up promptly, not expecting Cass to be in there and for Tim to be in one piece. She lingers at the door.]

... am I in trouble for something?

[SOMETHING IS AMISS??]