paradisa | 1/001

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wheatley

1/001

[Oh god, now who is this guy? He's new, and he looks pretty mad. He's pacing the lobby like a mad freak. Fists clenched, hair ruffled and glasses broken, he's pretty hard to ignore because of the fact he's yelling out at the top of his lungs. Someone's gotta hear this guy.]

"Hello!? Helloooooo~
I said hello! Ca-can anybody hear me?
This is a joke... this is a joke right?
Someone-Someone want to tell me what's going on?"

[He pauses, and messes up his newly found hair, and then has a minor freakout. There he goes, talking to himself...]

"Ohhh my god, ahaha... oh this is ridiculous. THIS IS ridiculous, truly and utterly ridiculous!
I can't even conceive how ridiculous this is... this... this is like the epitome of ridiculous right here, right here in one place. It's-"

[He turns around, and trips over his footing, knocking over a vase. Oop.]

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'I'm respectable, just for things that are not this.'

[As Wheatly storms past and falls, Jade watches him, then gives him an amused glance before he gets up and wanders over to lean over the downed, fidgety man.]

'You're fun.'

[Fun? Oh goodness. Wheatley scrambles up to a sitting position looking rather indignant]

"Oh, so this is what this is? You're-you're using me for your amusement now? You humans are horrible! Horrible horrible creatures! Honestly good for nothing. I don't even know why you were all created."

[Slowly he gets up, and dusts off his lab coat. It's all wet.]

'Not all of us are horrible, just those of us who enjoy schadenfreude. Although I'd like to ask, if you're not human, what are you?'

[You look human but Jade knows better by now.]

"Those who enjoy scadenfreude? Oh, oh is that you? Cause in case you hadn't noticed that still puts you in the HORRIBLE niche."

[Gross. He eventually drags himself to the nearby staircase and sits on the bottom stair, pouting, wet and sounding annoyed]

"Ohhh... oh wouldn't you like to know. Well, I'm not telling you. So there."

'I am a horrible person, though not all humans are.'

[Jade seemed thoughtful for a moment, then smirked at the man.]

'Then I'll have to assume you're a horrible human and lump you in with me.'

"Mmm. Good for you. How about you do something about it and then think about bothering me. Without actually, doing so. Just-just think about it. To yourself. In silence. Where I don't have to hear you-"

[NO.OH NO. When He mentions Wheatley being human he immediately gets mad. His glasses fall off his face and everything.]

"I am NOT a human! What's wrong with you I-I literally, I just said that... like... literally a few seconds ago. Just- I, oh I see what you're doing here... hahaha... really smooth, very funny. Ohhhh! But I'm lying again! Sarcasm. Get's me every time mate."

'I don't intend to do anything, really. I'm happy as I am, and you're quite entertaining.'

[Jade's grin only grows at the sputtering and the glasses falling. He leans down and picks up the spectacles.]

'You get flustered and angry like a human, and you certainly sound like a human. So you must be human then.'

"I. AM NOT. A HUMAN."

[Wheatley stands and snatches the broken spectacles. Honestly whats the point in looking through these, he probably cant see anything through the cracked lenses.]

"You're infuriating! I'm frustrated... I'm frustrated because you're an idiot, mate! The special kind, a special breed of idiot who isn't coordinated enough to listen to anything!Huuuman. And- and you have awful hair."

[He begins to walk away from the stranger. Oh he's definitely flustered, his hair is all out of place now.]

'Until you provide evidence to the contrary, I can only deduce that you are human.'

[Aww, don't ~~run~~ walk away!]

'However, if you're looking for a way out, I can tell you that you won't find one.'

[Mumbles something. Wait- He stops when he mentions "a way out". At that moment, he turns around, slowly.]

"...Is... are you... r-really?"

[He sounds slightly hopeful. Almost kid-like.]

"Are you trying to fool me or something? Outsmart me? Well, I'll have you know that you cant. So don't even try it."

'I'm being honest.'

[Your tone is confusing. There is no way out. Accept it. Accept iiiiit.]

'The Castle decides when people go home and that seems to be that.'

"Whatever it is that you want to think, you're free to think it mate, I won't stop you. In fact, it'd be great if you kept thinking that."

[/IGNORE. NO. THERE IS NO ACCEPTING HERE. He begins walking away again, but he's speaking, probably expecting the guy with the weird hair to follow.]

"Say, mate what- what did you say your name was? Did you? I need to know so I can put it on a list of who NOT to save when I get a way out of here. BY MYSELF. With my intellect. Without you. Youuu."

[Jade followed, as was expected, grinning as he did so. Why are you so funny, new guy? In response to the question of his name...]

'I didn't.'

"Oh. Well then. That explains it."

[He is quiet for a few moments, putting his hands in his lab coat pockets]

"What? Not gonna tell me? Are you going to be quiet about it now?"

'I don't see a need to tell you for now, unless you're that interested.'

"Nope, no, not really. But you see unless I know you're name I can only call you mate. And you are not my mate. We-well, I suppose I could call you not mate but that sounds... well, haha, that actually sounds ridiculously stupid really. Not mate. Hahaha."

'I don't mind being called mate or not mate. Whichever you prefer.'

[Means you can't filter to him with rage or whatever else you'd need to filter to him of all people for.]

'Though I'll resort to calling you mister human unless you have a different name for me to call you.'

[He turns halfway to look at that guy-girl thing. God could anyone get more... INFURIATING. If Wheatley were officially titled as a full human he would've been red in the ears by now. Instead, he manages to keep himself calm. BARELY.]

"How about something- oh I don't know. Something related. Like, oh! The scientist or something. Doctor. Oh, ooh! Philosopher! I like that one eh. Something that you know, is true? But I wouldn't expect you to have that kind of brain capacity, bless your feeble little mind."

[It takes effort, but Jade's pretty up there on the douchebag scale. Jade just smiles calmly and oh so bemusedly]

'I'm basing it on simple observation. Human looks, Human voice, and Human capacity for whining.'

[Don't mind him casually stepping on your foot with his heel.]

"Agh... GNNNHHG... AH."

[He tenses, and then grits his teeth.]

"Alright! Alright! Enough! Don't you have somewhere to be? So-some friends to talk to? Some sort of burly human crush or family member that could casually get you out of my HAIR?"

'You also feel pain like a human.'

[He seems to think.]

'None that provide half as much entertainment.'

"I. AM. NOT. YOUR. ENTERTAINER."

[He points to himself]

"Half? Then there, talk to two of them at once then. That- that'll work. Go awayyyyyy. This... this body is a curse, okay! Not my fault. I had nothing to do with this. I'm only beginning to think that you did this more and more mate, way to make yourself seem innocent."

'It's more fun to talk to one person than listen to two prattle on.'

[You're way more fun.]

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1/001

Ahahaha I'd say it's rather high |D

[Im glad. Haha! Anyway, sorry for the late response, I've been sick.]

No problems! get better soon!

Sickness gone! It took forever to be honest but now I am healthier than ever!

8D YAAAAY iloveyourwheatley Also my internet cut out for a bit D:

Aw, well at least you're back now. Good to see you. :D

<3 Good to see you too Also lmao this thread always makes me smile

Haha! I know! It's so silly. I'm glad I found you, to be honest. :D

Awwww yay~! I'm glad you're here! 8D

Re: Awwww yay~! I'm glad you're here! 8D

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