045 ♕ [written/voice]

[loisfuckinglane]

[Filtered away from those who would wish harm to the bride and groom]

The Honor of Your Presence
is Requested at the Marriage of

Lois Lane and Clark Kent

Saturday, the Fourteenth of April

With Reception to Follow.

Please RSVP below.

[Voice, Same Filter]

Smallville and I figured it was long past time we set a date, so this is making it officially official. ... That is, assuming that the castle manages to put itself back together again by April, because if this is going to be the new standard around here? We might need to think about relocating the ceremony somewhere where the cake won't abruptly turn into a feral tiger. I mean, nothing against tigers, but this wedding? Is going to be circus animal free.

But for now, I'm going to go ahead and assume this is just one of the castle's usual bouts of temporary insanity and it'll allll blow over by tomorrow.  Or... next week.  

... At least by April.  Right, Paradisa?

Right.

[... ???]

... [Uhhhhh. What. The. What. After a second, she adds uncertainly:] ... Hello...?

Comments

Miss Grudge-Match

[loisfuckinglane]

[ Unfortunately, railing at Lois is probably the quickest way to just make her even more ridiculously stubborn ]

A year, thank you very much. So it shouldn't surprise anybody when we want a spring wedding, since, as you pointed out, most people do. It isn't like we've kept the fact that we're planning on getting married a secret. And considering our future kid just showed up and we've got no guarantee he'll be sticking around? Yes, I'd like to have the wedding while he's still able to be a part of it.

[No wait, she's not done.] And, you know, maybe I want to do something positive for the community at large here considering all the crap that's been going on for the last, oh, forever. Just because it rains on your parade doesn't give you the right to go stomping on mine, so why don't you man up and pick a day and stop acting like the world's out to get you? There's a whole month of March ahead of us too.

And guess what? If these exclusive friends of yours like you so much in spite of your glaringly obvious need for an attitude adjustment? They'll still show up to your private little party.

A probably-fat woman who is begging to get punched

[molotov]

So you were either too lazy or not committed enough to get married last spring, and you admit that you are doing this purely out of greed, and yet I am the one who needs to rush my wedding? You get a year to plan and wait, despite the fact that you had the entirety of last year to wed, and everyone else should just work around you? Do you really think that highly of yourself? I do not even know you, and I barely know your fiance. Why should I have been aware of the fact that you were planning a wedding? When did you ask if anyone had objections to the date? Did it ever even occur to you to ask if anyone might object to you monopolizing the date before you invited the entire castle? How would you feel if someone else held an enormous party on the same day as your birthday party, and invited all of your friends?

I am not sure why you think that getting to watch you get married is some reward for the castle's population. Do you think that highly of yourself, that your joy is some magical gift to the world? This is a magic fucking castle. If people want to eat and drink and party, they can do so at any time, with no repercussion. I am having a "private little party" because it is a wedding, not a nightclub. Is it routine, in your world, to join in the personal celebrations of people you do not even know? Or are you really just that delusional?

Moreover, I hope you are able to cram into your dim little head just how astoundingly selfish you sound. You have already admitted that it does not matter if you do not wed here, because you get to go home and do it. You have a future child, and he is here. This is not pretend for you. This is not merely something you have to make do with, because it is the closest you will ever get. I mean, my god, a future child? I have to look forward to a fake magical baby that will disappear in a week. You get everything that I will never ever get, including the wedding date I wanted, and I am stomping on your parade? I need the attitude adjustment? Perhaps, if it is better to be hoggish than to be shocked at your utter neediness.

[Molotov's voice has gotten more and more tight with bitterness as this goes on, and she's already picking out a grenade to go blow some shit up with, to relieve the stress. Like her life isn't stupid enough without this greedy little upstart bitch claiming all the world's happiness for herself.]

Bride of Frankenstein

[loisfuckinglane]

Listen, Bridezilla, nobody has to come to the wedding. We're leaving it open to those who want to, because at the rate of comings and goings around here? Individual invitations seemed sillier than just letting people make up their own minds. It's a wedding, not a funeral. It's something to celebrate, not turn into a raging hulk monster over.

No one is stopping you from having or enjoying your wedding except for you. If all that you really cared about was making sure you did get married before one of you got home? You could go do it right now at the town hall. Obviously, you're willing to wait until April, when either one of you could get sent home just as easily before then.

A word that is so rude that the mun can't even make herself write it

[molotov]

[So... many... choking... motions. So many lovely, lovely weapons lining the walls of Molotov's room... Lois is probably going to want to inform Clark of this conversation. He already knows about the stupid crap she does when she's upset.]

I can think of one mandavoshka stopping me.

/insert language Lois picked up while living at army bases

[loisfuckinglane]

[They'll be lucky if the castle doesn't turn them into a pair of actual Godzilla monsters in wedding dresses and let them battle it out.]

If I were actually out to stop you? You'd know it.

/insert way worse, because Molotov is classless

[molotov]

[With poor Brock and Clark trying to separate them.]

I would love to see you try. I wonder how easy that is to do when one has a bullet lodged in their skull.

McBitchenstein

[loisfuckinglane]

Maybe what you need is a good old fashioned grenade in the garter.

Miss GETFUCKED

[molotov]

Say that again after I have put one in your mouth.

[loisfuckinglane]

Say that again after I put one right up your-- [It's... probably around this time that Clark is going to yank her away from the book after he walks in on her yelling at it. 8| ]

[molotov]

[Molotov just stabs her cigarette out on the page. Maybe it would be a good idea to double-check your locks, Lois.]

[supes]

[No kidding. He's playing with an elephant one minute and hearing his wife yelling the next.

He'll just be appearing out of nowhere, and putting a hand over the journal, as if that would really block out the sound.

Have a concerned look.]

Is there a problem here...?

[loisfuckinglane]

Someone's not happy with our choice of wedding date.

[supes]

[he picks up the journal. Good thing part of that isn't filtered.]

Molotov?

[loisfuckinglane]

... She started it.

[supes]

But someone escalated it.

[To journal:]

Molotov, are you still there?

[molotov]

[Molotov now sounds a little bored and far-away, and there's the distinct sound of revolver chambers being popped in and out.]

Da.

[supes]

[He sounds a little unimpressed. Girl, he thought you were better than that :(]

Can we leave this at an argument and some harsh words, please?

[molotov]

[Really, he did? YOUR JUDGEMENT IS POOR, KENT.

But really, she's just cleaning.]

Oh... nyet. I think not. But do not worry. Your selfish little bride-to-be is safe for now.

[supes]

[He thinks everyone is better than this.]

It's the "for now" that worries me.

[molotov]

Why? She will resurrect in two weeks.

[supes]

[SUPER disapproving.]

Molotov, don't even think about it.

[molotov]

Too late.

[supes]

This is a huge overreaction.

[molotov]

Well, she's a huge pizda.

[supes]

[He switches to Russian. He's got an accent, but he's definitely fluent.]

Really? I'm not going to listen to you call my fiancée names, nor am I going to tolerate threats against her. If you try to hurt her, Molotov, I'm going to intervene, and you won't like it.