paradisa | 1/001

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wheatley

1/001

[Oh god, now who is this guy? He's new, and he looks pretty mad. He's pacing the lobby like a mad freak. Fists clenched, hair ruffled and glasses broken, he's pretty hard to ignore because of the fact he's yelling out at the top of his lungs. Someone's gotta hear this guy.]

"Hello!? Helloooooo~
I said hello! Ca-can anybody hear me?
This is a joke... this is a joke right?
Someone-Someone want to tell me what's going on?"

[He pauses, and messes up his newly found hair, and then has a minor freakout. There he goes, talking to himself...]

"Ohhh my god, ahaha... oh this is ridiculous. THIS IS ridiculous, truly and utterly ridiculous!
I can't even conceive how ridiculous this is... this... this is like the epitome of ridiculous right here, right here in one place. It's-"

[He turns around, and trips over his footing, knocking over a vase. Oop.]

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Huh? No, I didn't bring you here! I can't do anything cool like that. [she holds up three fingers, like she's making the girl scout promise or something, idk]

The castle brought me here just like you, I've just been stuck here longer.

"Mmmhmm. Yes. Well."

[He doesn't sound all that convinced. He takes off his glasses and cleans them with his jacket, looking at her all squinty.]

"The castle brought me here. You're trying to tell me... that this castle somehow inexplicably grew arms, reached into deep space and plucked me right out of the abyss like I was some sort of weed in a garden. Is that what you're trying to tell me, love?"

Sort of! Except instead of arms, imagine more... psychic teleporting powers. It pretty much beamed you up from a random time, and when it sends you back it'll send you back to the exact same moment. Then it'll wipe all your memories of having ever been here, so it's kind of like you never left at all.

"Ohhh, that's fantastic. How- how long do I have to wait for that to happen? I kinda, uh... have stuff to do. Stuff that's far more important than wasting my time speaking to a human. Say..."

[He raises an eyebrow]

"You- you are human right? I've actually run into so many non-humans I'm beginning to doubt my judgement really. Are you... you could be a zombie. A nymph. Maybe one of those bloodsucking creatures I suppose..."

[Wheatley is stroking his chin thoughtfully and squinting again...]

"Hmmm...."

[hmph! she makes a kind of pouting face]

Hey! Yes I'm a human, and I'm not wasting your time, I'm helping you out! I could just keep walking and leave you here even more stranded and confused, you know. [rude, haha]

"Oh. That's what you're doing? Helping me, love?"

[He sighs]

"Well I-I guess it's not your fault. I mean, you didn't choose to be a human. That would be foolish, really. These things just, happen I suppose, just- just some victim of a grand design that... was probably made up by humans anyway. Anyway, getting back to the important parts, you! Helping me get us out of here. How good are you by any chance... with... jumping?"

[.... .... ... .......]

It sounds like you don't really like humans. I'm guessing..... you're not one? [he sure looks human, but it's hard to tell in this place. And then the second question catches her off guard]

Jumping? Not bad I guess, why?

[He stares at her, and then takes her arm, pulling her along to the top of the staircase. That... long long staircase. He then runs all the way to the bottom, shouting towards her as he makes his way down.]

"That's... that's a start, a very good start already. You see, in order to help me, you'll probably have to be a good jumper. It's it's rather nessecary, you see. If you can do this... this will be quite the improvement. Someone who can jump- just what I need"

[What is he talking about?]

"Now... just... from the top of there. Jump... down. Off of there, and... um try to land on your feet. It- it's not too dangerous, and um sure that you can do it. Even- oh, also, If- If you fall- try not to break your legs. I'll- I'll catch you. How's, hows that? Yes! I'll catch you if you loose your balance!"

[He holds his arms out towards her, and then adjusts his glasses]

[aaaaand she's getting pulled around. What is this guy up to? She just watches him, curious, and leans over the railing as she watches him run back down the stairs.

And then he says.... jump? For a minute she just looks at him blankly, not really comprehending]

[and then she realizes no, he's totally serious]

Y-You want me to jump?! No way! Even if I try not to break my legs, I will break my legs!

[He twitches slightly.]

"That's- well, actually I can't make you a promise about you not breaking your legs... because it's quite possible, but- but look! I'll be sure... to accomodate for everything, and and even... even better is... you see.. I'm here. For both catching AND positive reinforcement. Yeeah, you can do it! You'll be fine. Ehhh? Ehhh? Nothing better than that."

[He sighs]

"Listen come on now? It'll be fine. I promise you... n-nothing bad... is gonna happen."

[That sounds... a little reassuring?]

[hnnnng, she peeks over the railing some more, and looks really sceptical]

If you're offering to catch me, you have super strength or something, right? Otherwise I'll just land on top of you and then we both get hurt.

Oh, I know! You should get a trampoline down there, then I'd consider jumping.

"Super strentgh? Wh-what do you take me for? Are you 400 lbs?"

[He stops and looks around. Nothing in sight. He then wanders off]

"St-stay there. Don't move. I'll be right back, I- I think I uh, have an Idea."

No! But still, you know how it works... Mass times weight- wait no, falling time divided by weight? Something like that, but it's hard to catch people if you're just a normal guy!

[especially from so high up. But then... huh, he's actually going to get something? she'll watch him, curious]

What's your idea?

[He mutters something under his breath, but it cant be heard from that high up.He arrives about 10 minutes later, dragging a- wait, is that a massive couch? Where did he get that from???]

"Hnnngh... GNNHNG... HGNNGGN..."

[He pushes it over to her, and then sighs, panting. He then sits on the floor. He looks tired... but how the hell was he able to do that in the first place???]

"Alright... whew, alrightalrightalright is that enough? What, do you, do you want a martini? Maybe a vacation to peru? Madagascar? Fiji? Sheesh.

T-That's really impressive! [asdhgakgh now she feels bad for the guy...... he's working so hard, maybe she can actually do it? Jumping on a couch actually sounds kind of fun...

NO WHAT IS SHE THINKING, THIS IS REALLY HIGH UP ASDGHASDGH ughhhhhhhhhh she rests her forehead on the railing for a second before looking back at him and calling back]

One quick question before I possibly commit to this! Why a I jumping off the stairs?

[He looks at her in a way that makes him shocked. It's as if he were personally offended by her inquiries. He just kinda sits there, looking up at her. He looks so... small from there. He sounds so out of breath, its hard to hear.]

"What? Wh-what you couldn't ask that, oh I don't know, before I just dragged that couch to make you feel more comfortable... now... [gasp] now you feel like asking me questions?? What, you just want to see me as I struggle to GASP for air? That's what I'm doing, GASPING... [gasp] I'm sure, i'm sure that you're just SO amused by that, aren't you"

[He stares at her, all narrowy eyed again, but she cant see it, of course.]

"Try- try to land on your feet. That'd be great, thanks."

I'm really not amused, I promise! In fact, you worked really hard to get the couch, so I feel kind of bad if I don't jump, but it's still JUMPING FROM A REALLY HIGH SET OF STAIRS! [asdgah she waves her hands around in the air as she says that]

So you get it, right? I don't want to get hurt, but this seems to be really important to you...

[the next part she kind of talks to herself] Come on, Maya! What would the Steel Samurai do? Of course he would help a random newcomer with his super important side quest!

Edited 2012-02-17 20:10 (UTC)

O-Okay! [asdgklhasdg like... clinging to the rail she hoists herself up so now she's standing on the outside ledge......

......

..... and still totally clinging to the railing]

It's really high, are you sure this is a good idea? [I AM SO AMUSED BY THIS THREAD ASDGKHASDHL hahha]

Edited 2012-02-17 20:11 (UTC)

[Me too! Hahahaha!]

[He sighs]

"..."

"Wh-what? Oh no... oh no what's this? Oh no what's going on???"

[Wheatley is pushing the couch awayyy slowly]

"Oh no... the couch... it's pushing itself away... you better hurry before it's totally goneeeee..."

Wait wait wait, stop that! I'm coming! [oh godohgodohgod HNNNNNNG she takes a deep breath and jumps off the railing before he can push it any further]

Aaaaaaaaaaah! [hopefully he didn't push it too far away, and she'll land on the couch?]

Edited 2012-02-18 00:25 (UTC)

[When he sees her falling, he quickly pulls the couch so its comfortably under her. She would fall right on the cushony surface. He clasped his hands together, closing his eyes and muttering to himself.]

"Pleaselandonyourfeet.Pleaselandonyourfeet.Pleaselandonyourfeet.Pleaselandonyourfeet.Pleaselandonyourfeet."

[Don't even worry sweetheart <3]

A week later, and I'm finally back and healthy! Sheesh, really I'm sorry for that wait!

Yay! I'm glad you're feeling better :D

I'm glad too!

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