babyaliendaddy: (I'm a lover not a fighter)
[personal profile] babyaliendaddy
I just want to say ... don't go into the town. It'll just depress the fuck out of you, dudes.

[And this is Tucker, shaking his head sadly at the state of things. Because Paradisa has literally gotten medieval on all this shit. So now Tucker couldn't even go outside without being eyed funny and he thought he heard some weird murmurs about 'church', so since he didn't want to get burned at the stake, he got his happy ass back to the Castle. But Quick.]

Man, now we really are stuck in Castle Wonderfuck - I wonder if that crazy castle did this to the patrons first ... [And yep, that's Tucker for you. Looking on the bright side of things.]
babyaliendaddy: (English is my second language)
[personal profile] babyaliendaddy
[The journal falls open to Tucker's coughing as he wheezes in the spores, accidentally knocking his journal to the ground.] Goddamnit ... this shit's not cool. Why in the name of fuck is the ventilation system not fucking working ... probably that crazy ... Mara ... bitch.

[Another wheeze, and the sound of Tucker opening the door.] Aw man! It's worse out he- what the fuck?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?! Aw shit! Sword! Sword! Where the fuck did I put my sword?1
babyaliendaddy: (I'm a lover not a fighter)
[personal profile] babyaliendaddy
[The good Fra Laverinus knows what he is. He was the bastard son of a nobleman who had been shoved into the Church because he was literally shit as a scholar and there was no way he was marrying well. So he was educated better than most, and he drank better than most because his father had to do something to keep his son under control.]

[Of course, what would his father say, if he found out that Lavernus was actually taking to the streets, standing up in the piazzos and proclaiming his spiritual brother a complete and total lunatic? He probably would have wished he would have drank more.]

[So there he was, the young man in his brown robes, preaching to the masses, as they were.]

Listen to me, good people. I would tell you that what is being said by my ... brother of the cloth is the truth, but I will not lie. This is not God's will! This not God's plan! God did not ask us to enter the homes of our brothers and sisters, and strip them of all worldly possessions! God did not tell us to tear men, women, and children from their homes, to be imprisoned without succor, without reason! Our God is a just God, a wise and all powerful God, but I do not see him in these damnable actions! And I promise you, my children ... when God sees what my brother has done to His Firenza, then you shall truly, TRULY see what vengeance looks like. BY THE FIRES OF GOD'S HELLFIRE, ON THOSE WHO WOULD CLAIM HIS NAME IN THE MIND OF MURDER, and VENGEANCE!

[He held out his hands.] So I ask you to rise up! Rise up together with me! Let us stand for God's love, and God's mercy! Do not stand idly by whilst your neighbors are being torn from their homes and families! For remember, it could be you next ...
babyaliendaddy: (Bow Chicka Bow Wow)
[personal profile] babyaliendaddy
[There is the sound of tearing. Angry, angry tearing, and a lot of cursing that is not appropriate for small children. Literally, the foulest language possible said as quickly as possible, with as much violence as possible.]

MOTHERFUCKINGDICKFACESONNOVABITCHBASTARDFUCKINGFUCKERSWHOGOTFUCKED!

[And another bang. And an angry huff.]

...whoever put me in the fucking baby bonnet, CHURCH, better start running now. I'm about to get all FREELANCER up on your bitchy ass.
babyaliendaddy: (Chillin' with the ladies)
[personal profile] babyaliendaddy
I only got one thing to say, Hogwarts.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVENCLAW!



[There is the sound of a throat clearing.]

Will now proceed to kick the shit out of Slytherin. That is all.

[Yeah, okay, he might be getting into this whole Hogwarts thing.]

All the cool kids will report to a celebratory party afterwards, hosted be me, Tucker, Ravenclaw 6th year. Be there, or be not cool.
babyaliendaddy: (Sup?)
[personal profile] babyaliendaddy
[The first sound being recorded by Tucker's journal is simply a groan of pain. Of course, with Tucker, of course there was followed by a long string of - ]

Mother fucking fuck berries of fucking tosh fuckity ... and ow. Mother fucking ow.

[Tucker sat up in the middle of the garden of Cair Paradisa, feeling his eyes cross in his helmet, before he shook his head a little.] Shit, I really got to get off the 'get hit unconscious by the crazy bitch' train. Nurgh.

[Then he looked around, really around the garden. Then up at the castle.] ...shit. I've gotten hit so hard I've gone back to the fucking Medieval Ages. Shitfuckdamn, whose head am I in? If this is Caboose's head, then Church is right, this is the weirdest fucking happy place on Earth.

[He checked himself.] Welp, personal inventory time. Armor, check. Super-awesome sword, check. Big-ass gun, check. Weird ass journal that seems ... to be ... recording all the words I'm saying ...

[Blink. Blink.] ... and just when I didn't think this shit could get any weirder? It does.

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Paradisa

January 2015

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