045 ♕ [written/voice]

[loisfuckinglane]

[Filtered away from those who would wish harm to the bride and groom]

The Honor of Your Presence
is Requested at the Marriage of

Lois Lane and Clark Kent

Saturday, the Fourteenth of April

With Reception to Follow.

Please RSVP below.

[Voice, Same Filter]

Smallville and I figured it was long past time we set a date, so this is making it officially official. ... That is, assuming that the castle manages to put itself back together again by April, because if this is going to be the new standard around here? We might need to think about relocating the ceremony somewhere where the cake won't abruptly turn into a feral tiger. I mean, nothing against tigers, but this wedding? Is going to be circus animal free.

But for now, I'm going to go ahead and assume this is just one of the castle's usual bouts of temporary insanity and it'll allll blow over by tomorrow.  Or... next week.  

... At least by April.  Right, Paradisa?

Right.

[... ???]

... [Uhhhhh. What. The. What. After a second, she adds uncertainly:] ... Hello...?

Comments

[loisfuckinglane]

Actually, it's because we have people we consider friends and family in both places.

[molotov]

And yet you sent the invitation to the castle at large, rather than your friends and family.

[loisfuckinglane]

In case anyone else wanted to come to a party. It's called being neighborly.

[molotov]

Oh, is that how weddings function in your world, you fill them with strangers? Are they also held in fraternity houses and stocked with kegs?

[loisfuckinglane]

I can tell you what we don't fill them with: killjoys. Consider your invitation revoked.

[molotov]

It is adorable that you felt the need to even say that. I am not insane, and therefore had no plans to attend a stranger's wedding. That is something that crazy people do.

And really, you think I am the killjoy? I am not the selfish woman taking the most enviable wedding month for the first of my two weddings, now am I?

[loisfuckinglane]

Last I checked? There were twenty nine other days in April.

[molotov]

Last I checked, there are not enough people in the castle to justify more than one wedding per month. [Molotov has done that whole "invited to a wedding every weekend for a month" deal. It's no bueno.]

But really. Tell me that, in all honesty, you would not mind someone holding their wedding on the thirteenth or fifteenth.

[loisfuckinglane]

Well, maybe those people should have gotten their invitations out a little earlier.

This April-stealing bitch

[molotov]

[Wow, that really rubs Molotov the wrong way. Like, her fur might come out, it's so improperly rubbed.]

Maybe those people got proposed to less than three weeks ago. Maybe those people were then promptly sent on two-week long losses. Maybe those people do not get a second wedding, ever, and maybe those people wanted to be married for as long as possible before they get sent home to a world where their chances at marriage are nearly zero. Maybe those people have been waiting for twenty-odd years for even a shot at a wedding, and maybe those people thought it might be nice to be wed before those magic babies appear in May, because, again, those people do not enjoy worlds where they can just go home and hold the same damn wedding to the same damn person that they would like to have the same damn family with.

But of course you should not let those people have any bearing on your plans for a gluttonous, castle-wide party. Obviously it is more important for you to hold your first wedding in the dead center of the month with the nicest weather and lowest likelyhood for idiotic spring-themed garbage from the castle. And why not invite the entirety of the castle, thereby ensuring that even those who wanted small, exclusive weddings would be forced to plan around you?

No no. Everyone else just should have slapped an invitation in the journal earlier. How long have you been engaged for, again?

Miss Grudge-Match

[loisfuckinglane]

[ Unfortunately, railing at Lois is probably the quickest way to just make her even more ridiculously stubborn ]

A year, thank you very much. So it shouldn't surprise anybody when we want a spring wedding, since, as you pointed out, most people do. It isn't like we've kept the fact that we're planning on getting married a secret. And considering our future kid just showed up and we've got no guarantee he'll be sticking around? Yes, I'd like to have the wedding while he's still able to be a part of it.

[No wait, she's not done.] And, you know, maybe I want to do something positive for the community at large here considering all the crap that's been going on for the last, oh, forever. Just because it rains on your parade doesn't give you the right to go stomping on mine, so why don't you man up and pick a day and stop acting like the world's out to get you? There's a whole month of March ahead of us too.

And guess what? If these exclusive friends of yours like you so much in spite of your glaringly obvious need for an attitude adjustment? They'll still show up to your private little party.

A probably-fat woman who is begging to get punched

[molotov]

So you were either too lazy or not committed enough to get married last spring, and you admit that you are doing this purely out of greed, and yet I am the one who needs to rush my wedding? You get a year to plan and wait, despite the fact that you had the entirety of last year to wed, and everyone else should just work around you? Do you really think that highly of yourself? I do not even know you, and I barely know your fiance. Why should I have been aware of the fact that you were planning a wedding? When did you ask if anyone had objections to the date? Did it ever even occur to you to ask if anyone might object to you monopolizing the date before you invited the entire castle? How would you feel if someone else held an enormous party on the same day as your birthday party, and invited all of your friends?

I am not sure why you think that getting to watch you get married is some reward for the castle's population. Do you think that highly of yourself, that your joy is some magical gift to the world? This is a magic fucking castle. If people want to eat and drink and party, they can do so at any time, with no repercussion. I am having a "private little party" because it is a wedding, not a nightclub. Is it routine, in your world, to join in the personal celebrations of people you do not even know? Or are you really just that delusional?

Moreover, I hope you are able to cram into your dim little head just how astoundingly selfish you sound. You have already admitted that it does not matter if you do not wed here, because you get to go home and do it. You have a future child, and he is here. This is not pretend for you. This is not merely something you have to make do with, because it is the closest you will ever get. I mean, my god, a future child? I have to look forward to a fake magical baby that will disappear in a week. You get everything that I will never ever get, including the wedding date I wanted, and I am stomping on your parade? I need the attitude adjustment? Perhaps, if it is better to be hoggish than to be shocked at your utter neediness.

[Molotov's voice has gotten more and more tight with bitterness as this goes on, and she's already picking out a grenade to go blow some shit up with, to relieve the stress. Like her life isn't stupid enough without this greedy little upstart bitch claiming all the world's happiness for herself.]

Bride of Frankenstein

[loisfuckinglane]

Listen, Bridezilla, nobody has to come to the wedding. We're leaving it open to those who want to, because at the rate of comings and goings around here? Individual invitations seemed sillier than just letting people make up their own minds. It's a wedding, not a funeral. It's something to celebrate, not turn into a raging hulk monster over.

No one is stopping you from having or enjoying your wedding except for you. If all that you really cared about was making sure you did get married before one of you got home? You could go do it right now at the town hall. Obviously, you're willing to wait until April, when either one of you could get sent home just as easily before then.

A word that is so rude that the mun can't even make herself write it

[molotov]

[So... many... choking... motions. So many lovely, lovely weapons lining the walls of Molotov's room... Lois is probably going to want to inform Clark of this conversation. He already knows about the stupid crap she does when she's upset.]

I can think of one mandavoshka stopping me.

/insert language Lois picked up while living at army bases

[loisfuckinglane]

[They'll be lucky if the castle doesn't turn them into a pair of actual Godzilla monsters in wedding dresses and let them battle it out.]

If I were actually out to stop you? You'd know it.

/insert way worse, because Molotov is classless

[molotov]

[With poor Brock and Clark trying to separate them.]

I would love to see you try. I wonder how easy that is to do when one has a bullet lodged in their skull.

[yeahihidmypants]

[Oh... dear. LOIS. :| You don't make nice by revoking invitations.]

Molotov ]

[Oliver... knows everyone, okay?]

Not that I want to get in the middle of this, but I sense an incoming explosion. [He's the Maid of Honor. This falls under his duties... or something.]

I know that you haven't specifically stated, but were you planning an April wedding as well?

Oliver

[molotov]

I was.

Molotov ]

[yeahihidmypants]

Had you picked a date? [he's really, really afraid of what might be her answer.]

Oliver

[molotov]

I had. Unfortunately, I have not had a year to laze about before announcing it.

Molotov ]

[yeahihidmypants]

[He's not sure where to start... he could explain how every date that Lois had picked previously for anything relating to her wedding had been... castle-jacked or worse, but that didn't really make things any better.]

I don't think anyone in this castle can just laze about for a year, Molotov. Any date that gets set in stone tends to get hijacked by someone else or the castle itself.

I'm positive Lois didn't intend to block a date for someone else. She just picked and there is no official Paradisa Wedding planner to hire. No one that is in charge of booking the church or the ballroom.

It's an honest mistake that could've happened to anyone.

I'd also like to point out that the castle tends to have a literal translation to some very... odd phrases and 'April showers brings May Flowers' has actually happened in the castle. [Rain. Lots of it.]

What if I was to help you secure a date in May or if you'd prefer sooner, I actually know a handful of people that can pull off something pretty fantastic on short notice. [He... had a wedding here. Once. Engaged twice, but details....]

I don't want to push your hand, Molotov, but I don't want you to have your wedding, your day marked with the memory of this argument. [Please, let's just stop this before it elevates to explosions and dress sabotage.]

Oliver

[molotov]

Oh, nyet, of course. Why should my friends and wedding party have more than two weeks' notice? That suka has only been engaged for a year. There has not been a single day in that time that this wedding could have happened already, right? Well, I do seem to remember last April being surprisingly devoid of magical inanity, but surely a blyad' such as this one could not have done this then.

My wedding will not be marked with any poor memories. I cannot say the same for anyone else.

Molotov ]

[yeahihidmypants]

[FROWN. There is no need for language like that. Oliver speaks Russian.]

Molotov, I don't think there's any need for name-calling here. I'm trying to help.

I can understand that two weeks isn't enough time, I was just offering a suggestion and I would still like to help you. If you would want my help, that is.

As for last year, if I'm honest, she'd planned her engagement party for late in March and that was delayed, because someone from our world arrived. Someone dangerous that put all of us on a bit more aware. It distracted a lot of us around then. Like most of us here, stopping and actually picking a date to do anything requires a lot of faith in the castle.

I can only apologize, Molotov, and try to help you work around this.

Oliver

[molotov]

I will always call a mandavushka a mandavushka. If she did not want to be called names, perhaps she should not behave in ways that beg the insults.

Are you really trying to evoke sympathy? I could not possibly care less if her engagement party was interrupted. She has already admitted to me that this will only be her first wedding, and that it does not even matter if they do not get to be married here. Some of us, on the other hand, do not get the luxury of marrying in our real worlds, and thus we do not have a year of time to waste on selfish frivolity.

But you need not worry about helping me. In fact, it would probably be more prudent for you to worry about helping her.

Molotov ]

[yeahihidmypants]

I am helping her. I also thought that I could do the decent thing and actually offer up help to you.

I'm her Maid of Honor, but that doesn't mean my help is exclusive to her.

If you want to behave this way, toward me, who has not done anything but offer up an apology and help - then I'll just step away from this completely and wish you luck.