paradisa | 1/001

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wheatley

1/001

[Oh god, now who is this guy? He's new, and he looks pretty mad. He's pacing the lobby like a mad freak. Fists clenched, hair ruffled and glasses broken, he's pretty hard to ignore because of the fact he's yelling out at the top of his lungs. Someone's gotta hear this guy.]

"Hello!? Helloooooo~
I said hello! Ca-can anybody hear me?
This is a joke... this is a joke right?
Someone-Someone want to tell me what's going on?"

[He pauses, and messes up his newly found hair, and then has a minor freakout. There he goes, talking to himself...]

"Ohhh my god, ahaha... oh this is ridiculous. THIS IS ridiculous, truly and utterly ridiculous!
I can't even conceive how ridiculous this is... this... this is like the epitome of ridiculous right here, right here in one place. It's-"

[He turns around, and trips over his footing, knocking over a vase. Oop.]

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"Calm- calm down? What, oh hah, nononono, I'm calm. Y'know, aside from the obvious being TRAPPED in a place and not being able to get out!

Y-You can't possibly expect me to be okay with this, do you? I mean really, do you really expect me to be like "oh yep, here I am, in a random place, when I clearly was in space merely HOURS ago?" Because, cause it's definitely not working that way. I- I don't know why I'm here, or who you are but I do know that that, that there's probably some sort of vast, vast misunderstanding here, because, because... you know because I'm... not supposed to be here."

[He's talking so fast it's hard to understand. Even when he is calm.]

[wooooow, he talks really quickly. She kind of squints at him while he's talking, just because she's really concentrating to keep up with him]

It's okay, I know it's weird but I promise it's going to be okay. [haha, she almost wants to tease this guy, but he seems really freaked out, so she wants to help him see the bright side]

No one really belongs here, we're just kind of grabbed from our world, and we have to stay here until the castle sends us back. But it's not all bad, there are great people here, and the castle gives you nearly anything that you want.

"Oh, oh that's so? Anything I want? Really? Well how about... I don't know... going BACK TO WHERE I WAS?"

[He laughs, but it didn't seem like a joyful one.]

"Alright alright... hows this. How about you, just-just tell me who you are, and we can start from there."

Sorry, like I said, nearly anything. But you'll be able to go home eventually, you just have to wait around here for a while.

Maya Fey! What's your name?

"Maaaayyyaaaa. Feeeyyyy."

[He says it all slow and dramatically. With the eyes narrowing suspiciously.]

"That's... that's none of your business."

[On his lab coat he has a name tag. It says Wheatley.]

[ahaha, the way he says her name makes her laugh and give him a thumbs up. She thinks... this is him joking around] Exactly!

Ooh, making it a mystery, huh? Well I'll figure it out, just you wait and see. [....d erp derp, she'll notice the name tag eventually]

"Oh don't even act as if you don't know who I am. You're the one who brought me here didn't you? You and your little smug smile, thinking that you've got me in your grubby little fingers, trying to fool me, eh? Well it won't work, I've got quite the experience with you huuuuumans. Not gonna fool me.

Nope.

Nope, n-never."

Huh? No, I didn't bring you here! I can't do anything cool like that. [she holds up three fingers, like she's making the girl scout promise or something, idk]

The castle brought me here just like you, I've just been stuck here longer.

"Mmmhmm. Yes. Well."

[He doesn't sound all that convinced. He takes off his glasses and cleans them with his jacket, looking at her all squinty.]

"The castle brought me here. You're trying to tell me... that this castle somehow inexplicably grew arms, reached into deep space and plucked me right out of the abyss like I was some sort of weed in a garden. Is that what you're trying to tell me, love?"

Sort of! Except instead of arms, imagine more... psychic teleporting powers. It pretty much beamed you up from a random time, and when it sends you back it'll send you back to the exact same moment. Then it'll wipe all your memories of having ever been here, so it's kind of like you never left at all.

"Ohhh, that's fantastic. How- how long do I have to wait for that to happen? I kinda, uh... have stuff to do. Stuff that's far more important than wasting my time speaking to a human. Say..."

[He raises an eyebrow]

"You- you are human right? I've actually run into so many non-humans I'm beginning to doubt my judgement really. Are you... you could be a zombie. A nymph. Maybe one of those bloodsucking creatures I suppose..."

[Wheatley is stroking his chin thoughtfully and squinting again...]

"Hmmm...."

[hmph! she makes a kind of pouting face]

Hey! Yes I'm a human, and I'm not wasting your time, I'm helping you out! I could just keep walking and leave you here even more stranded and confused, you know. [rude, haha]

"Oh. That's what you're doing? Helping me, love?"

[He sighs]

"Well I-I guess it's not your fault. I mean, you didn't choose to be a human. That would be foolish, really. These things just, happen I suppose, just- just some victim of a grand design that... was probably made up by humans anyway. Anyway, getting back to the important parts, you! Helping me get us out of here. How good are you by any chance... with... jumping?"

[.... .... ... .......]

It sounds like you don't really like humans. I'm guessing..... you're not one? [he sure looks human, but it's hard to tell in this place. And then the second question catches her off guard]

Jumping? Not bad I guess, why?

[He stares at her, and then takes her arm, pulling her along to the top of the staircase. That... long long staircase. He then runs all the way to the bottom, shouting towards her as he makes his way down.]

"That's... that's a start, a very good start already. You see, in order to help me, you'll probably have to be a good jumper. It's it's rather nessecary, you see. If you can do this... this will be quite the improvement. Someone who can jump- just what I need"

[What is he talking about?]

"Now... just... from the top of there. Jump... down. Off of there, and... um try to land on your feet. It- it's not too dangerous, and um sure that you can do it. Even- oh, also, If- If you fall- try not to break your legs. I'll- I'll catch you. How's, hows that? Yes! I'll catch you if you loose your balance!"

[He holds his arms out towards her, and then adjusts his glasses]

[aaaaand she's getting pulled around. What is this guy up to? She just watches him, curious, and leans over the railing as she watches him run back down the stairs.

And then he says.... jump? For a minute she just looks at him blankly, not really comprehending]

[and then she realizes no, he's totally serious]

Y-You want me to jump?! No way! Even if I try not to break my legs, I will break my legs!

[He twitches slightly.]

"That's- well, actually I can't make you a promise about you not breaking your legs... because it's quite possible, but- but look! I'll be sure... to accomodate for everything, and and even... even better is... you see.. I'm here. For both catching AND positive reinforcement. Yeeah, you can do it! You'll be fine. Ehhh? Ehhh? Nothing better than that."

[He sighs]

"Listen come on now? It'll be fine. I promise you... n-nothing bad... is gonna happen."

[That sounds... a little reassuring?]

[hnnnng, she peeks over the railing some more, and looks really sceptical]

If you're offering to catch me, you have super strength or something, right? Otherwise I'll just land on top of you and then we both get hurt.

Oh, I know! You should get a trampoline down there, then I'd consider jumping.

"Super strentgh? Wh-what do you take me for? Are you 400 lbs?"

[He stops and looks around. Nothing in sight. He then wanders off]

"St-stay there. Don't move. I'll be right back, I- I think I uh, have an Idea."

No! But still, you know how it works... Mass times weight- wait no, falling time divided by weight? Something like that, but it's hard to catch people if you're just a normal guy!

[especially from so high up. But then... huh, he's actually going to get something? she'll watch him, curious]

What's your idea?

[He mutters something under his breath, but it cant be heard from that high up.He arrives about 10 minutes later, dragging a- wait, is that a massive couch? Where did he get that from???]

"Hnnngh... GNNHNG... HGNNGGN..."

[He pushes it over to her, and then sighs, panting. He then sits on the floor. He looks tired... but how the hell was he able to do that in the first place???]

"Alright... whew, alrightalrightalright is that enough? What, do you, do you want a martini? Maybe a vacation to peru? Madagascar? Fiji? Sheesh.

T-That's really impressive! [asdhgakgh now she feels bad for the guy...... he's working so hard, maybe she can actually do it? Jumping on a couch actually sounds kind of fun...

NO WHAT IS SHE THINKING, THIS IS REALLY HIGH UP ASDGHASDGH ughhhhhhhhhh she rests her forehead on the railing for a second before looking back at him and calling back]

One quick question before I possibly commit to this! Why a I jumping off the stairs?

[He looks at her in a way that makes him shocked. It's as if he were personally offended by her inquiries. He just kinda sits there, looking up at her. He looks so... small from there. He sounds so out of breath, its hard to hear.]

"What? Wh-what you couldn't ask that, oh I don't know, before I just dragged that couch to make you feel more comfortable... now... [gasp] now you feel like asking me questions?? What, you just want to see me as I struggle to GASP for air? That's what I'm doing, GASPING... [gasp] I'm sure, i'm sure that you're just SO amused by that, aren't you"

[He stares at her, all narrowy eyed again, but she cant see it, of course.]

"Try- try to land on your feet. That'd be great, thanks."

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[Sorry about such a long response, I've been ill.]

[Don't even worry sweetheart <3]

A week later, and I'm finally back and healthy! Sheesh, really I'm sorry for that wait!

Yay! I'm glad you're feeling better :D

I'm glad too!

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