1/001

[wheatdos]

[Oh god, now who is this guy? He's new, and he looks pretty mad. He's pacing the lobby like a mad freak. Fists clenched, hair ruffled and glasses broken, he's pretty hard to ignore because of the fact he's yelling out at the top of his lungs. Someone's gotta hear this guy.]

"Hello!? Helloooooo~
I said hello! Ca-can anybody hear me?
This is a joke... this is a joke right?
Someone-Someone want to tell me what's going on?"

[He pauses, and messes up his newly found hair, and then has a minor freakout. There he goes, talking to himself...]

"Ohhh my god, ahaha... oh this is ridiculous. THIS IS ridiculous, truly and utterly ridiculous!
I can't even conceive how ridiculous this is... this... this is like the epitome of ridiculous right here, right here in one place. It's-"

[He turns around, and trips over his footing, knocking over a vase. Oop.]

Comments

[doublethefun]

[incoming Royal Canterlot Voice - i.e. loud, booming, and echoey. Duck and cover, Wheatley.]

Excuse thee? We are a pony and We would be highly appreciative if thou wouldst desist in referring to Us as a "thing."

[wheatdos]

[Oooh, speaker systems. That's pretty cool. He has-well, had those back at Aperture]

"Oh... oh, is that what you call yourself? A PO-NY, oh thats rich hahaha, really rich. So... what is that? Some sort of mutant experiment gone horribly wrong or something? Cause if it is, I mean, I- I get it. If you don't want to talk about it, I guess I get that too... I mean, If I were some sort of horribly disfigured mutant experiment, I... I guess I wouldn't want to talk about it either. I've never been to this part of the facility really, it...it's a bit new to me... so of course there would be some sort of mutant species I wouldn't recognize, that, that's- that's understandable..."

[He's never seen a pony; AND he think's he's still in his laboratory? This guy is really underinformed.]

[doublethefun]

[you know that wavy, ethereal mane and tail she's got? It's gonna move a lot more erratically now.]

We are not the product of some misbegotten experiment, foal. We have always been this way and will always be this way long after thy bones have been reduced to mere dust.

[wheatdos]

"Oh... nono... hehe, you see that's where you're wrong.Y'see... despite what you see here... this, this isn't me. This is just some, well, actually funny enough I can't actually explain WHAT it is really.

This uh...human body. This human APPEARING body, yes it should be called appearing because I am not actually human. Despite how I may look."

[He seems to really want to get that across]

[doublethefun]

And We care because...?

[wheatdos]

"Oh... haha pfft, pshhh well soooooorry. Look whose got an attitude. Here I am trying to be polite, and then here you go mashing up that politeness with your little wingies, just... just mashing it up.

Okay, I'm figuring that you crazy blue fellows don't know anything about what common courtesy is. Ugh, this was a terrible, terrible idea. Terrible idea Wheatley. I should have known better than to go conversing with you, but... but but at least you're blue, yeah, it's a wonderful color. Definitely something that you've got going for you, yep, being blue. Not anything better on the spectrum really."

[Refrain from completely exploding again. You remember the last time you lost your temper and it got you here. At least, you think. You're not sure.]

"Um, okay before this gets, ugly and well, unpleasant, would you-would you like to point me to the nearest exit? Closest one please. That would be nice. Preferably some sort of exit that includes my core still in tact, and... and-and well me in it. Just having my core won't do very much good for me."

[doublethefun]

Thou darest lecture Us on the importance of manners? At least We refrained from calling thee a word-spewing wretch who, instead of a sense of self-preservation, seems to have carefully cultivated some sort of utterly asinine form of courage.

[a slow smirk] My stars, did I say that out loud?

[wheatdos]

"Hmmm...."

[He strokes his chin thoughtfully]

"Note to self... subject isn't very bright when answering questions... mmm, yes, I really should be writing notes to myself, heh, really, sometimes I can't believe myself. Alright, alright let's try a different approach."

[He clears his throat]

"Alright, Puede... señalarme conno uno precisióno dey... exito.... Wait, wait that may not be right. Uno... preci... cuando...Okay, look can't you just point to the exit? please? Come on, I said please. Look I'm saying please, because I'm trying to be civilized, and you're really trying my patience."

[doublethefun]

[there's a snort, but she'll finally relent. Sort of.

The lobby doors slam open with a burst of blue magic and now there's some more blue magic insistently pushing him towards the exit.]

There. Now leave Us.

[wheatdos]

[As he's getting pushed, he's comically flailing]

"Heyyy! Heyheyheyhey! Careful! Careful! This body bruises easily you know!"

[As he's getting pushed, he also begins to exclaim:]

"And this, this, this still doesn't seem to be a very effective solution in getting my core back, I still see fingers! Fingers were not a part of the deal! I did not have fingers beforehand!"

[Haha... not having FINGERS beforeHAND. Oh god I'm hilarious.]

[doublethefun]

[yup, still pushing him out the door]

Still thy tongue. We know not of what thou speakest of. Therefore, pour thy babbling incoherency into some other creature's ear - preferably somewhere outside.

[...lmfao. I lol'd.]

[wheatdos]

"Ba-babbling incoherency? What are you even- hey! Cut! Cut it out! You know, this is NOT NESSECARY right? I can walk myself! It's a bit wobbly, I know but you don't have to be rude about it! I bet you're getting some sort of sick pleasure out of this, aren't you? You sicko. Sick sick

PO-NY.
thing.

You're just as bad as one of those fat... annoying... scatterbrained... obnoxious humans, you know that? That's not a compliment you know!"

[He holds onto the wall as he is being pushed.]

[doublethefun]

[and she'll finally cut off her spell, though the doors are still wide open. Nice and wintry outside, don't you think?]

Prior to thy arrival, the humans We have met have all been unfailingly kind and well-mannered. Thou wouldst be an insult to them.

[wheatdos]

[Eek! The cold is something new to him. He had never felt anything until he was in this newfound body. Cold was uncomfortable and he DID NOT LIKE IT.]

Yeah, well they're probably just showing you the side that they want you to see, that's all, love. You can't possibly believe everything that you hear, now do ya? You see, I know humans like a book. They're not a very good book, I'll tell you that, but oh do I know. They made me just to do their dirty work, and the moment I didn't fit into their little niche they chucked me.An-And I went on saying that they're not all the same too, but they ARE. Oh they are. Pathetic and stupid creatures with a knack of destroying things. Allll they do. All they're good for. Yep. That's it.

[doublethefun]

And whatever thou art, We see that thou has "a knack" for whining. Excessively so.

[wheatdos]

"Whining? I'm, I'm not whining! Arrrghhhh! You know what, forget it. Why don't you go off and do your fancy bluey beam tricks somewhere else? I'm sure you can fine some other unsuspecting resident here to bother. I'm, I'm just going to sit over here, and figure out my PROPER way out of here. You're just distracting me, Like some annoying distracting unhelpful thistle lodged in my backside."

[doublethefun]

[there's finally a laugh, and then she shuts the doors with her magic again.]

Then perhaps thou shouldst refrain from immediately insulting any creature thou seest?

[wheatdos]

"Insulting? It's hardly insulting? It's its... it's expressing the truth in a way that seems like it's opinionated, yeah, yeah that's it."

[He suddenly looks around, rather flinchingly, as if he's looking for something. He moves in a way that's very sudden, almost robotic.]

"Hey, hey is, is there a way that you're doing that? With the, the door? Are you somehow attached to some sort of central intelligence system that let's you control the place? Is, is there a way I can be a part of that? Maybe? M-maybe, perhaps a superior I have to speak to? In fact, where is the superior of this place? I'd like... It'd like to have a stern conversation with him. Maybe, maybe with just a bit of force, just-just a bit."

[doublethefun]

Nay, what thou art describing still falls under the purview of "insulting."

[eyeroll] 'Tis Our magic, and Ours alone. We are not connected, nor do We wish to be connected, to the magic that runs this castle.

[wheatdos]

"Magic? Oh this castle is magical now? Pfffthaha, Magic, magicmagicmagic haha, don't go on talking about magic. I don't want to hear about it."

[doublethefun]

Then why didst thou ask?

[wheatdos]

"Well, for one, I didn't think that you were gonna bring up magic."

[doublethefun]

Then thou shouldst make thyself familiar with the concept. There is an abundance of magic here.

[wheatdos]

"No, nonononono, you know what magic is? Magic is something that cannot be explained. Yeah. that. But...Just because you don't know what it is, and no one else knows what it is that is powering the castle doesn't mean it's magic. Thats... haha, that's ridiculous really.

If that's the case then I come from an entire worrrrrlllld of magic, hahahahaha! Well... [he clears his throat] lived. And... and am going back to... soon. Very, very... verrry soon."

[doublethefun]

[as if she had already explained this before]

Unicorn magic is will, shaped by spells and channeled through the horn.