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optimysticHey everyone. I've noticed there are a lot of new people showing up. [she comes back later, and adds little notes in parentheses] (There are always a lot of new people showing up, but I've really been noticing it lately) So! What's a girl to do about it? I'll tell you what!
My name is Maya Fey, and I'm here to give you the scoop-- Top Ten Paradisa Tips from a Veteran (by Veteran I mean someone who has been here for a while, not those crazy people living out in the Dead Zone)
1. When people talk about the Dead Zone, they mean that area beyond the border of the castle. Pretty much, powers don't work there and there are a bunch of vagabonds who kind of hate us (well, okay, it's more complicated than that but I only have room for the summary. I'll be taking official questions after the speech). NO one's really sure why, but we do know they have robot suits! Which is kind of cool, I guess, but they're totally not using it for justice so the cool-factor is negated.
2. Always be prepared to turn into an animal! Maybe stock up on some pet food, or buy a little pet bed. I swear, everyone gets turned into some kind of animal at some point in their stay here, so there's no harm in being prepared.
3. Also, always be prepared to turn into a kid. It seems to happen surprisingly often, and while that's normally a good thing, warn people if you were the spawn of a demon when you were seven. Because, as it were, the Castle will pretty much always pick you up from the most embarrassing time in your life.
4. Don't pee in the pool! I know Someone else said this over his radio show, but I'm saying it again because I didn't think people were actually doing that! Really, don't do it, the Castle probably make it stay there, and that's really gross!
5. The roof is the prime spot to hang out if you want to think about stuff, but be careful! Everyone else probably has the same idea as you, so if you want to stare off into the sunset with a dark and brooding look on your face, you'll have to get there early (otherwise, the prime spots for brooding will be taken already, and then you'll just have to awkwardly brood next to a gargoyle or something).
6. Paradisa actually has internet, and a couple games floating around! Most of them suck up all your time, but considering we all have tons of time here, you should find a computer and get started! Or, if you don't know how to work a computer, that can be your next big project (ps, it's always good to have a big project. If you have something that you're working on that's productive, you're less likely to start building a bit ray gun, or some terrible doomsday machine).
7. As tempting as it is, don't spill things/bleed on/dunk your journal in liquids! It won't just stay on your journal, and it will ooze out of all of the other journals! No one wants to open their journal and find dried blood inside, that's just really gross (this might seem like common sense, but you'd be surprised how often your journal will try to flop open when you've got a gaping wound).
8. There's a really cool place called Insolitus, and the entrance is on the sixth floor. It's pretty much a giant maze thing that looks like if you took a burger-joint playground, and built it in space (I know that sounds awesome, but read the rest of this and don't race off to play in it! Believe me, I understand the temptation, but you have to hear this first). The cool thing about it, is there's a weird random room inside where people found a bunch of items that do cools stuff (I got one too, although I still don't know what it does or how to make it work). The problem is, the paths are always changing, there's rumors that there's a giant monster running around inside, and it's way too easy to get lost in there. So! If you're going to go, treat it like a real exploration mission, not just random play time.
9. Be nice to the people who live in town! They already are kind of nervous around people who live in the castle, so a little friendly attitude goes a long way. They're all pretty nice, so just don't be a jerk or mess with their stores.
10. Don't mess with the microwave! It's been cut up, exploded, messed with, and generally disturbed more times than I can count. People here love hot pockets, so don't go ruining that important machinery!
And there you go! You're welcome, new guys, I hope these tips help you get acclimated to our weird temporary-castle-home.
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